This is my second caregiving role. First was in 99 when my father contracted ALS. Thankfully, The Lord took him quick (Feb 2000). Then I was working a job part time and school full time.
Today, I find myself taking care of my mom, she suffered a bilateral stroke (both halves of the brain). I find myself once again a default care taker. But now, while I don't have a job, my health is much worse today. I have several health problems (diabetes, sight, low hemoglobin, dialysis). But since I'm the only member of the family she hasn't turned on, it all falls on me. When I get done with dialysis (MWF 6:30-11am), I find out what mom needs from the grocery, what appontments she needs to go to. And some light cleaning (she fired her home health care and a cleaning lady I set her up with). I can't do it all. My sister lives 600 miles away, so she's no help. Whatever I suggest to make her live easier, my mom just out of hand rejects.
I'm 48, might die at any time, I'm lonely, I'm mega depressed and hopeless about the future.
I'm burned out.
Am I being selfish to try to take time for myself?