My Mom said to me the other day "I thought I could always depend on you".

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Never relied on her other children. Now they aren't there. I am the oldest of four. Sister has passed leaving two brothers. It dawned on me this is why neither boys feel obligated because Mom never expected anything from them or my sister. I was always the one that did without question. I stayed in the same town. I worked, married had my girls and continued to work but when my parents needed something, I did it. Both brothers called Christmas but that was the first time in months. No one visited Christmas Eve or Day. My parents never had to care for a parent. Moms were gone and Dads Mom was in a nursing home. So we never were involved with caring for an elderly person. So, oldest daughter living near by gets the responsibility which I'm not equipped for. Yes, TG I have an RN in the family. But, there will come a day that I will have to place Mom into nursing care. Praying I don't have to make that decision.


When you have to make that decision and she objects, remind her that she put her MIL in a nursing home because it was the best option for her. Stick to that.
No, my Mom was not responsible for her MIL going to a home. My grandmother had Alzhiemers and could no longer take care of herself. She had eight children Dad was a middle child. In the beginning, an Aunt who needed a place to live was with her. Another daughter took her to her home but when my GMom got tobe too much, she was placed in a nursing home. Out of all the kids my Dad had the most, 4. When GMom would have one of her spells, they would call Mom to sit with her at night. Six of Nannys children lived in the same town, three were daughters. But a SIL was asked to sit with her. My Mom did more for her MIL than my Dad did.
By the time my Mom needs tobe placed, she probably will not even know where she is. If she does, I will tell her I am not physically able to do for her. My husband and I are not getting any younger.
This is a realization we all are going to be faced with. Our children are going to be livingin a different world than we have lived in. They are going to be working much longer than we did. They r not going to be able to care for us sobwe need to plan ahead.
I asked my parents 5 years ago if they called a Caregiver Agency and the Agency said they had someone to send over.... but that caregiver has no training, no medical background, doesn't know how to take blood pressure, cannot pick up anything heavier than 10 lbs, dislikes cooking, doesn't like to drive, and she is 65 years old..... would you want us to send her out?

My parents answered "of course not".

Well, that person would have been me.

That was an eye opener for my parents. So they never considered having me do hands-on care for them, it was more logistical, thus doctor appointments, groceries, shopping. Mom since passed due to a fall at home, and Dad was more than happy to hire Caregivers from an Agency. Glad my parents saved for those rainy days :)
Pamstegma, plus, when my GMom was placed in a home my Dad became disabled with a bad heart and had other health problems. Believe me, Mom had enough handling my Dad w/o an Alzhiemers diagnoised MIL.

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