Looking for answers not put downs.
"Mother, I have stated to you that I will meet you only with nine of my friends, and you alone.
You have yet to show me anything close to a willingness to do this my way. I have not seen you since 2008, and you have NOT shown me anything you have done in your life to improve, or work, or do what is the best for you and of course for your family. Simply put, mom, what good is it going to do to meet you now"
First off to Agingcare.com. I need to stop and really tell you instead of react emotionally. I have been a full time working mom series 7 licensed banker for 20 some years, then after that I worked for attorney's, then when my mother fell ill to Alzheimer's Disease, I decided to dedicate my life to making a difference. I have done a tremendous job at that, and have done both family no income caring, and non family no income caring (as there are those very less fortunate), and families with a small income to care for their loved ones.
All of my life, that my son has know me I have been a working full time mother.
I had another child 5 years later and continued on the working career woman path. My husband and I lived in a 2500 square foot 5 acre house. My son had many things that many children would dream of. But Life is not about buying your childs love. I am absolutely against that, and know that.
There was NEVER and I REPEAT NEVER ANY ABUSE OF ANY KIND TOWARDS MY SONS. EVER. The issues were about infidelity not with me, but the father, and issues of that nature. Never coming home.. Too much alcohol. I do not drink, smoke, I never in my 18 years as a full time working mother, ever had a babysitter so my husband and I could go out. My children were my responsibility and my priority.
I grew up in dysfunction. My mother was an alcoholic. My mother became sober through an intervention that I put on as my two sisters left the scene and my father and mother are together now because of it. I am not a hero, I am merely a daughter that simply does what family is supposed to do in time of need. I do not go on an on about my childhood, why? because you have to live in the present. Hearing what my son just emailed me which is this.
"YOU HAVE YET TO SHOW ANYTHING CLOSE TO A WILLINGNESS TO ADDRESS THE ISSUES THAT I HAVE ASKED YOU ABOUT (ISSUES FROM AGE 3 UP), AND YOU HAVE SHOWN NO PROOF THAT YOU HAVE MADE ANYTHING OF YOURSELF. AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED, YOU ARE FAR FROM THE MOTHER YOU STATE YOU WERE SO WHAT GOOD IS IT GOING TO BE FOR ME TO MEET YOU NOW?
That sounds like a very sad, angry 31 year old son, & my heart aches for him. yet when he left for the peace corps at 26, he talked to me everyday, & told me how scared he was, & told me that I was the only person in the world that he could depend on, & this & that, & can you send money. Mothers have a soft spot, but also mother know when they are being taken advantage of.
I was single during the time he applied for private colleges, & of course he states that the State paid for the College based on the FAFSA, & you know part of that is true, I owed 50% plus all living costs & books, I chose to pay that for my son, I chose to purchase a car, that he complained that it wasn't brand new. My children are not entitled to anything other than having the right to be truthful caring loving nice humans, that they see that we did the very best we could to raise them. There is nothing odd about me, there is nothing odd about his father who is a state patrolmen and a captain in the national guard. We worked very hard. We were young when we were married & divorced so we did not have a lot. It takes time to build up your nest egg. One child took this very well to this day, & disagrees with his brother all the time, stating he needs to grow up, & mother has already apologized for everything she has done right & everything she has done wrong. Wrong means, not fixing his favorite meal, he felt his mother should do all of his laundry while the other child 5 years younger did his own, without saying a word. There were rules. Rules, that they both knew, & just because the father decides to leave doesn't mean it is time to run over the mother with boundaries. The boundaries were there. The adult child that states what have I accomplished, that is his fault for not calling me, when I have lovingly invited him to every occasion each year, and he has blocked my texts, or emails, I am not super human, & I will not allow a mean spirited or even confused adult child to not look within his heart to realize it takes two to come to peace. Even tonight, I sent one son a happy valentines day text with two hearts & he immediately said, thank you mom, I love you for everything that you do. Then I send it to the other one, it was blocked, so I sent it to his gmail, wishing my granddaughter & my new daughter in law that I haven't met & my son a wonderful valentine's day, & will not receive any acknowledgement.
Possibly this will change . . . .more