Insanity of it all?
Hello friends. I spent last night in urgent care then transferred dad to ER after he fell tryig to carry in groceries. My dad is 94 and still drives. I see evidence of some cognitive issues that are typical given his age, in particular, bouts of rage. I add that he is a narcissist and that is not new. Everyone is wonderful except the one who shores him up. Nothing was broken and I have offered to grocery shop and often do though he declines at my offer. The man is out and about all day long - he used to be very active in work and so forth. He still maintains board positions and goes to those functions often. Often leaving me behind to care for my mom who is a dry drunk and recently recovering from a heart attack. She cannnot be left alone. Sadly, her dementia is robbing her of the capability to think rationally. She won't go out with me for tea or coffee or walks. Makes the dementia worse. I live with them both to care for them plus I work PRN. I am interviewing for a job out of this state - hoping I get it. I can't do this anymore by myself and my siblings do NOTHING to help even when I ask. Nobody has come to see them since mom's heart attack a few mos ago and it is pretty obvious. My dad then sends out guilt inducing e-mails to everyone which I do not agree with. While my father is an oft raging narcissist, I have compassion for him. He has always been in denial and vigorously defends my mom's alcoholism. He has slowed down on providing it to her. So while I was out at the ER last night, my mom did not want to go to the ER. I have a panic necklace for her. As I was taking dad from urgent care to the er, I called my mom to see if she was ok. She didn't answer. I texted my sister and asked her to call to see if mom was ok. She texted back that she got no answer. UGH. Once dad was secure, I drove home to retrieve his phone and charger as per his request and my mom was fine - but decided to take a shower on her own at 10pm. OMFG. So I picked up a few stray cleaning implements she left out and she starts yelling at me not to put them away. I lost my patiences and snapped back - said fine you put it away. I felt so defeated. In a house of insanity. I love my parents and take on so much compassion for them but it is draining me to never be thanked or treated like they really care in return. It would be nice. y time outs for myself are not enough. Any caregiver can relate to this I am betting. The level of care can be such that you need a lifetime to recover it would seem. We had a cleaning pair come in after mom had a heart attack but my dad cancelled it because it was expensive but it has more to do with my mom hating and b*tching she doesnt want anyone cleaning her house. So she does it and complains that we have to pitch in. I clean constantly even when the cleaning lady has been here and its my parents who crap it up. Anyways, we also have a useless sitter from an agency come in three times a week to sit with my mom. She uses a cane is not very mobile and it is supposed to be so my dad can go out and she would sit with my mom. But most days they wont wake up and refuse to set an alarm so the care taker shows up and they are not even up. My dad ends up sitting there stealing the attention from mom ad talking to the caregiver the entire time and does not end up leaving until the caregiver does - when I return home he decides to go out. There are no rules for them. My mom is contantly pulling out step ladders and climbing sh*t though she knows the risk. I wennt shopping this morning for them after a late night in the ER - made them a nice breakfast that I set out and the paper and pills. I walk in to the step ladder in the etry way and hats and mittens all over the floor. Same spot dad fell last night. I asked why the ladder is out and expressed that it has got to stop because I cant do more runs to the ER than i am. My mom screams at me of course because speaking nicely is out of the question. Says no one has gone to the er yet from the ladder. But I had to leave work for her heart attack and care for her without help. But I pick them both up whenever they fall in the house on flat ground. The logic escapes them both and I walk into the kitchen and my dad starts in on how great his freind the DOCTOR is for calling from Florida after his ER visit (they are friends) this morning. Not one HI THANKS FOR YOUR HELP LAST NIGHT - Thanks for breakfast. NOTHING. I cannot conceive of being so clueless when a person is smart. But narcissism is a devastating pattern to inflict on people.