Follow
Share

My 93 year old dementia husband, who can walk ok, always wants to go out to lunch and dinner. Is this part of sundowners? He goes out 3 times a week -- Tuesday lunch with his Son, Thursday lunch with me, and Sunday breakfast. And a couple of afternoons to get a yogurt. Is it his neediness for me? When he's with caregivers, he's always looking for me. Driving me crazy. Well, back to wanting to go out to eat. He does eat well. And I do cook. He's never been unhappy with one of my meals except if something is too hard to chew. And, pls don't suggest that I take him to a day care center. I know that with him, that won't work.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I think hubby just is gravitating to what is familiar to him. Have you tried saying "yes, hon. Great idea. We'll go out tomorrow" or can he be tricked- can u say, "oh, hon, we just went out for lunch (even if u didn't), we can't go again right now.

My mom on some days isn't so sharp and she can't remember what we did in the morning by lunchtime. I say we just did that and she says she doesn't remember.

Have u tried walking him around the block and then fixing a snack when I get back?

Lastly, as my FIL's memory worsened, all he wanted to do was eat and nagged my MIL constantly about when was lunch or when is dinner? She was flustered with his antics. She finally just created a drawer or basket for his snacks and every time he asked she led him to the drawer and he picked something out. He finally would go to cabinet himself. Sadly, it didn't stop his asking but slowed him down. I guess all he really wanted was to eat because life was boring when you can no longer concentrate on a book, paper, drive, friends and all u can really manage by yourself is to eat.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Cheyenne, I think your husband is redefining his own world, what he wants to do, what he wants to eat, kind of like animals or birds building their nests - he wants things close to him that are known and comfortable (such as specific foods). He's narrowing and establishing his world now, and as it probably will be (or as a baseline) as he ages.

While this may or may not be subconscious, I think I would just look at it as him adapting to a different stage of life. Since finances aren't an issue, just roll with the punches and enjoy it. If you were 10 or 20 years older, you might find it more convenient to eat out.

That's not a criticism, just an observation that sometimes women do get tired of cooking. Some friends and I feel we've cooked for years and sometimes are just plain tired of it! If it weren't for the fact that the food isn't guaranteed to be organic, I could eat out more often.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

No problem with expense, health concerns. Oh, I humor him and do take him out. But like today, we ate lunch out and now he wants to go to have ice cream. Yes, he's been to a speech therapist. When we go to the restaurant, he eats the same thing every time. He doesn't want to change to something else. .
Maybe he just wants to eat if I can find something he likes. I don't know what to think any more. The caregivers and I have tried games, walking, or have least given thought to some of his wants. He is getting to be plain difficult. He's not mean. But, he sure pesters a lot and keeps on the same train of thought until someone gives in or he falls asleep.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

What about doing carryouts or home delivery. Any time a menu comes in the mail save it, or look for the menus on-line. That way hubby could watch out the window for the delivery.

Once it became too complicated to take my late parents out to eat, they really enjoyed ordering from Olive Garden and my sig other would go and pick up the order. Doing that was sooooo much easier, plus my parents were able to hear conversations much easier at home as some restaurants have too much clatter, or the table had a draft from the air conditioner, or we had to wait in line which isn't easy with an elder.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

My parents have a hard time chewing tough things. I get around it by serving fish, chicken, juicy pork chops, or cubed steak. These things are easier to chew when the jaws run out of steam and the teeth are not so good. A thick steak might look good, but can be a real workout on the jaws.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Cheyenne, if something is to hard for him to chew, you might consider having him evaluated by a speech therapist to determine if he's developed a swallowing difficulty. If so, the therapist can offer suggestions as to a dysphagia diet, and determine what level of dysphagia he might have.

That might be part of the reason for going out; he may be able to order specific items which are easier to swallow.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Is there a problem with going out to eat? Expense? Health concerns? If you can afford it and he likes it, why not humor him?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Cheyenne, my mother also likes to go out to eat. She only likes to eat at two places that she is used to. If she goes somewhere like church, the doctor, or to get her hair cut, she wants to go out to eat afterwards. I think it is because she feels comfortable and in control doing it and she has people tending to her needs. My mother (90 yo) wouldn't do anything like a daycare or senior center, either. She prefers solitary activities with me or other family members only. If you're wondering if I am tired of these restaurants after 7 years, yes I am. :)
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.