I am not sure how to verbalize how I feel?

Started by

My Mother, who I had been caring for for 8 years, recently passed away. My Dad died in 2008, and since then I have been responsible for every decision my Mom made. The last 3 years she has lived near me in an assisted living and the responsibility, as everyone knows, became more even more. It was something that I would never change or take back. She was 93 when she died and I was blessed to have her every minute that I did. I'm sad that she's gone, and so sorry to lose her beautiful smile and laughter. I will miss talking to her every day. But I am even more thankful that she passed quietly, without pain, and without a prolonged stay in a nursing home. She hated being dependent, and over the last year she had lost more of her eyesight, and had many episodes of lost time and memory. I suspect she was having mini-strokes until the one that finally took her. So today I am much relieved for her, as well as me. I think I have handled the emotional side her passing well. Our family has celebrated her wonderful, long life. But I have come to realize that this is the first time in my 63 years that I have not felt responsible for, or worried about constantly, the well-being of another person. It is like a huge weight has been lifted....but what the heck to do. I have a lot of things in mind, but somehow I am just wandering a bit. It's hard to talk about, really, because I am not sure how to verbalize how I feel. Right now I am just enjoying my days without feeling guilty. But I was wondering how those of you who have been through this have handled the transition-and it is definitely a life transition.


i went from many years of marriage and family to custodial dad , to caring for my mom for 7 yrs . when mom died 3 yrs ago i hung out with my aunt till she just died . my sons are busy with families of their own now and for the first time ever , its just me . its ok . theres nothing wrong with spoiling me now .
i have several big boulders lined up at the top of the driveway . if anybody tries to drive up this hill ill loose the boulders on em .
i am so full of s*it . being alone gives me time to realize just how much so ..
Sorry for your loss..

As I caregiver I'm always saying I wish I had time to do this or that, etc.. I'm sure you often wished the same.. Well nows the time to do those things.. Just try to relax and spend time enjoying the simple things.. Before you know it your days will be full again... Hugs..
Just put my mom in assisted living a few months ago. I was her caregiver for about 8 years. I know she is where she needs to be but I feel guilty and sad. I go visit every other day but I don't know where to take her or what to do. I'll offer to take her shopping,buy some crafts but haven't figured aanything to make her happy. She says just getting out is enough but then ask me what time is it?
Charlotte my mother passed last fall and I've taken the past six months to just "be", staying home with my pets out in the country. Like most everyone here I realize just how much I've neglected myself over the years. Got new glasses last week and tomorrow I go to the dentist (ugh!). After that I have to see about getting carpal tunnel fixed as my hands are getting quite bad from years of typing and the pain often wakes me up. Planning on a large garden, canning and chickens coming soon. Yep, I'm turning into Granny Clampett :)

Take your time, plan to do whatever makes you happy and content. It just takes time to get a life again and we just don't know where to start.

I think Ashlynne is on to something. Rediscover yourself. Is there an old friend you would enjoy visiting? Get a new hair style, join a social activity in church or a group. Best of luck t you
Thank you everyone for your comments! I have definitely found that if I just relax and take it one day at a time, it gets easier. Life fills you back up every day - new project around the house, taking better care of me, participating in more church activities, seeing my grandkids more, planning a road trip with my husband for early summer. I am feeling much better every day. Thank you, thank you.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support