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My father passed away Dec 25, 2015 from Advanced Alzheimer's and my mom doesn't even want to try to start healing and to make matters worse my youngest brother (the baby of the family and the favorite) who is estranged from his wife moved in with her a month after the funeral so now she is taking care of him and has had time to herself to figure out what she wants to do.

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if your brother is a comfort to your mother , dont sell him short . strange circumstances caused me to stay a " few nights " at my moms house several years ago . we ended up realizing we desperately needed each other and i remained there till she passed away .
mom's gonna dote on her son . its biological and you may as well work with them .
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Best not to make big decisions for at least a year.
Unless she has health problems, let it be.
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Everyone is different. Some will remain stuck in time for years [my sig other did that when his wife died], others will quickly move on feeling the relief.

Two weeks after my Mom passed, my Dad [94] decided he was ready to move to Independent/Assisted Living, and the first place he looked at he signed on the dotted lines. He was so happy to move out of that large house with all those stairs [he's a fall risk]. Now he is grieving at his own pace, knowing he is in a safe place.

I think part of it depends on the age of the spouse left behind. If you Mom is only in her 60's or 70's, she needs to be around her girl-friends who will help her through this, not be around a grown child who has resorted back to being a child, since you said she is taking care of him.
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I smell sibling rivalry. You want her to move on to what? I've been married 44 years and when hubby departs I have no plans to "move on". Nope. staying right here in the museum of our marriage.
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This particular phrase - "to make matters worse" - made me sit up a bit. It makes matters worse that your mother is not alone in the house? That she has the company of her, you say, favourite child?

That's an, um, unexpected way to look on it. It makes me wonder if you're concerned about his hampering her recovery, or her becoming too dependent on him, or a bit of both, or what?

In any case, assuming that your parents were married for a long time, I agree that this is too soon to expect her to be forging ahead with her new life. It has taken me nearly a year to get back to anything like normal after caring for my mother, and I would think your mother's sense of loss and disorientation are infinitely deeper.
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Jessie offers wisdom. Three months is hardly adequate to grieve for anyone, especially a spouse with whom your mother has probably lived for decades.

People need to grieve on their own terms, period. No one should be assessing grieving time and trying to rush it.

Instead, focus on supporting and comforting her, and let her know that you're available for her when she needs to cry on your shoulder or share her grief.

If anyone tried to "motivate" me after my mother and sister died, that person would be told quite frankly that my grief is none of their concern if they're not going to be supportive.

I also wonder if you're completely past grieving for your own father; I would think that 3 months is much too short a time after losing one's father. I know it would be for me.
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dlouise, I am sorry to read about your father. It has only been three months, so I am not surprised that your mother has not moved on in her life. If she was a caregiver, it may even take her longer to adjust. Every person goes through grief in their own way and in their own time. Some people get stuck, but I wouldn't worry about that after only three months. Give her time. It may be good that your brother is there to help buffer her against feelings of grief and to give her someone to switch her caring to. I don't know the situation there, so really can't speak to it.
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