My Husband and I Are Aging in Place

Started by

I can't tell much what this topic is about, but, here goes. I feel as though my husband is aging in place. By that I mean, he has gone through surgery, through rehab, and now he is home. He used to be a master electrician and he knew what this surgery might do. He might not wake up, or be a different person. Anyway, he is confused right now, not about everything like it started out being. But, he knows (I feel) that he ought to know things like turning this way to go to somewhere, or he is just not used to being taken care of when he was the one taking care of me and meeting others needs. Being on the recieving end can be an awkward and not so welcome place. Knowing that you are not able to do some things, and realizing you are aging in place can be a difficult thing.


Hi Fancicoffee:

I have been reading some of your posts and know that you are feeling alone. Most caregivers need others with whom to share their feelings. Somehow knowing that people are in a similar situation makes it easier to deal with. Have you considered going to a support group? I think this could help you quite a bit. Most states have programs to assist with respite care as well. Perhaps a little time off from caregiving would help.

The Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving also talks about creating care nets. This is where you bring together a group of people who help one another and provide care and respite. Perhaps through friends, relatives and neighbors, you could create this too.
You are so right! I am not a person to stay in the house very long. I like to get out, enjoy work and church among other activities like shopping and just visiting friends. I know that others have jobs, school activities, their other meeting places and so therefore, I do not want to impose upon them. I do ask for my daughter to sit with him while I go to church, we take turns. However, when I need to make an appt. and there are no aids, family, friends or anyone available, I just get him out to go with me. I am very thankful that he is able to do that. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't. I do like my freedom to go to the store and get some little something or go to my church group. I do feel alone. I live in Amarillo, TX and do not know how to look up this help. What is respite?
Respite is a way to get temporary relief from your caregiving duties. There are different ways to do this. There are home care workers that will come to your house, churches that provide assistance, senior centers and paid facilities. This is a great link that can help you find help in your area. Check with your church though. Often they have peopel assigned to assist in the caregiving area.
Keep using this site you will get many questions answered by those in the trenches-I feel like I have a whole country of friends now and have an outlet for any bad feelings.
Fancicoffee, hi and welcome to a support group of fellow caregivers who understand your frustrations. If there is a Visiting Angels organization in your area, you may want to check them out. You don't have to select any home health aide with whom you are not comfortable. If you use them, you should do your own intense screening to see if you would trust someone to occasionally grant you respite by filling-in while you have to run any errands, or just need a breather. Good luck! If nothing else, ask your doctor. Doctors always have great referral information handy.
Thank you for your kind suggestions, but I received alot of help from some home health care people and a day care place in our area. That was alot of relief and help! My husband is home and doing absolutely great now. But, I still like this board.
I am very happy for you! Thanks for sharing, and hope you have an enjoyable holiday season.
Fanci- I am so glad things are going better for you- I can not imagine not getting out of the house-I am in more since I fractured my back but plan going back to our senior center this week-it will be the first time since Nov- I miss girl talk and I am planing a little surgery and having a MRI this week and seeing the surgeon again in two weeks- I had orginally turned it down but after some research decided to go ahead with it and have aides in for the first 3 days I am home.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support