How to care for an uncontrollable elderly parent.
My sister and I are caregivers to uncontrollable elderly parent. Mom is in fair to good health and does not have dementia. However, she fights us tooth and nail on health issues. She won't let us go into the doctor's office for her visits and recently when blood pressure shot up to 183 over 190, would not let us take her to doctor or emergency room. Had horrible scream out with her out of frustration and she still wouldn't go. It's like this for everything with her. Her judgment is out of whack. Afraid she could get stroke or worse. She is the type that wants to wait until something happens before going to doctor. We are trying to keep her healthy and to head things off at the pass before they happen. Not sure how to deal with her moving forward. She is forcing us to leave her alone more and then we'll have to deal with the probelms when the occur. We live in a mother daughter same home. She lives upstairs, we down. We are single. We have no life anymore. All we do is argue with her and feel depressed and disgusted all the time. She is forcing us to stay away from her more and more. You just can't talk to her or get her to do the right thing. Also, of late, she is wearing the same clothes for two days. When you tell her about it she yells that she is the mother and she only wore them for 2 hours and can wear again. She is just becomming more and more belligerent. We take her to the doctor once every 3 months for general health checkup and she won't let us in the office with him. We take her to eye doctor also every 3 months for general health checkup and same here. She is having serious problem in getting prescription for eye glasses and we've taken her to doctor so many times in last month. But she still won't let us in office with doctor. I think even the doctors are blowing her off. If we try to go into the doctor office with her she has a hissy fit in the office and causes a scene. We are at our wits end with her. We are feeling that if she wants to do all this on her own and wait until something happens, then she is in God's hands. Let her call 911 when she drops. Hard to explain this in words and please don't think we are harsh ... we just don't know how to deal with her anymore. She has been a hard and selfish woman most of her life and when our dad past 10 years ago, she just got worse. She feels like she has no control since she has to depend on us for everything. And instead of being grateful or working with us, she fights us tooth and nail. I work and my sister is the home caregive during the day, I in the evening and on weekends. We have no lives anymore, not that that matters. We just want to have normal lives and peace. But she is gettng more and more difficult. Not even sure why writing to you kind folks. Sometimes it just feels better to write about it. But I'm worried she could have something and because she is so obstinate, that her lack of taking care of an issue in a timely manner, can cause something really bad to happen, like stroke or heart attack.
How do we get our mom to understand that we must have control. She keeps saying she is the mother and what she says goes. I can't deal with this much longer.
It has been 10 years of this and it's getting worse. I'm 55 years old and single and have no life. I work all day and deal with this all nite and weekends. My sister deals with it all day. She is 50 and single and has no life. We are miserable and suffering. We don't know what to do anymore.
So as of now we are leaving mom on her own. We cook her meals and bring to her but pretty much are leaving her on her own. We hardly speak to her when she's like this. We take her to doctor when she has an appointment and then home. But we are trying to have two separate lives in one house. This is how we are trying to cope this month anyway.
I kjnow this is probably wrong, but we just can't take this much more.
Mom is mean and nasty and just plain difficult.
I have great sympathy for her. She lost her husband, doesn't drive and has no friends. But I can't let this overtake mine and my sister's life.
We need to find a way to cope and exist together.
I wish there was an easy answer, but I know there is not.
I want to run away. Sorry to be so long winded and thank you for listening.