The blame game.

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Seems my mother can find no one else but me to blame, well. Everything on! So have decided to just realize it and let it roll. Sounds easy huh? LOL Well it is not and so dang sick and tired to her endless blame, paranoia and hatred. She never cuts me a break ever and her I am the one who is her friend. Seems she hates me?

5 Comments

Well think about it this way, your Mom is aging, she has lost a lot of her independence, many of her friends might have passed on, she probably can't drive any more, and she has a lot of aches and pains from age related decline. I think I wouldn't be a happy camper, either.

Try a reversal on her... when she blames you for something, agree with her, "your right, Mom". That might catch her by surprise.

Or if this paranoia and hatred is something recent, have her primary doctor check your Mom for an urinary tract infection as that can cause an elder to become mean spirited.
ive seen it a million times . an older womans son could shoot the pope and shed back him to the hilt but theres always some kind of rivalry with mothers and daughters . im sure it must be frustrating . i couldnt stand my dad . he wasnt the worlds worst dad by any means , he just represented the authority that it was my job to defy . maybe someday , if i were you id just tell her that your all shes got so she might as well stop bitchin .
Elisa, I know exactly what you mean. My mother has had a lifetime of blaming others for things. Most of the things are inconsequential, but a few things are not. She blames the lack of relationship among siblings in our family on us "bad kids." She talks how she was close with her siblings. I told her that she had different parents, but that went right by her. The other night we were talking about me coming down with panic disorder when I was a teen. She still blames me with it, because I wasn't living right.

It's a no win situation. If she forgets to do something, it's because I didn't remind her. If I remind her a few times, she gets mad. If I ask her why she's mad, she says it's because I won't quit bothering her. It doesn't bother me much, but I'm surprised my eyes haven't stuck to the top as much as I roll them. :P

It's really not so bad for me, and it is getting better now that my mother is growing less combative. Mine went through a terrible stage for about 3 years where she was kind of mean. She is much nicer now. I hope the same happens with your mother.
We just agree with her unless it is something dangerous, like looking for gas leaks with a match. We tell her we have dementia, it's creeping up on us and she says "see? now you'll understand!" and to her it's like she won an argument, and she smiles.
Has your mother been like this all your life? Or is the blaming relatively new?

Your profile says that she has dementia. The behavior you describe is very common to dementia. That doesn't make it go away, but maybe it can make it a little less difficult to accept. I doubt that she hates you, but I really can't say that for sure. Have you felt that since childhood, or is it new with the dementia?

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