Mom is healthy but she needs my attention 24/7. Any advice? -

Mom is healthy but she needs my attention 24/7. Any advice?


I live with mom and my siblings are MIA. Mom is so depressed I cant get her to budge at all. I live with my mom she is 80 years old, and I have 3 other siblings. My sister helps a little bit my daughter when she is in town but my two brothers hardly lift a finger. The oldest is in the best financial position yet he will not offer any financial help. Mom is depressed over my older brother and his children because they refuse to come visit and have even lied about trying to call their grandma. I moved in with my mom a year ago because she was depressed like this then and it was better but now it seems worse. I have a part time job working from home but even part-time my mom is needing my attention. I am on burn out the depression is too much and I cant even get mom to try to make it better.

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Depression must be a reality for most of the elderly. There's a lot of free time to think about your life and people around you. And I think that , sometimes, it's hard for us to realize that some of this is the karma thing. YOu get out of life what you put into it. My mother disregarded most of her children and grandkids, except a select few. Now, nobody in involved and they have written her off. She was dishonest, gossiped, and manipulative...took pain killers for 10 years and lived a very difficult life. She is depressed at times, but I think it is more situational than anything else. I think that her depression, or feelings of regret, is somewhat based on where she is right now. We talked to her many years ago about her doting on her little boy( now 50), but to no avail. It must be a terrible existence knowing that your own kids cannot find the time for you. I only hope that I can spend enough time with each of my own children and grandchildren so that they know I love them all very much. All of us who are caretakers must make time for ourselves and be sure our own mental health is taken care of as well.
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OH DEAR! Each and everyone of you my heart goes out to you "truly" I am in the same boat with my mother, but no one will help...Yup Dark hole is the word, and it doesn't get any better, I am on depressants and it helps some days, most not. hugs to you all!
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I spent years with my. Mother and faced depression daily. We put albums of old pictures together of her mom and dad along with her brothers and sisters. This encouraged her to tell of many events years ago. It was amazing. We would enjoy these albums time and time again.
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You say that mom is healthy, but is that true? She certainly isn't mentally healthy; she needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist and the possibilities for medication discussed. This is not a "mom how about if we?" conversation; this is a "Mom, you have an appointment today with Dr. Smith; we'll be leaving in one hour". No ifs, ands or buts. You have two choices here; you can go down the tubes with her, or you can get her evaluated and find out what can be done about her state of mind.

Next, you get YOURSELF to a psychiatrist and have YOURSELF evaluated for depression.
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You can't solve this alone. It will drag you down with it. She needs to be medically evaluated and probably put on medications. It is not your job to try and make someone happy. Believe me you never will. I have seen this sort of thing over and over with family members and friends. There is nothing you can do except be supportive of medical treatment.

I would.have a family meeting and tell everyone what is going on and that you can not let your mom ruin your life. The brother and grandchildren are probably staying away because your mother is such a "Debbie Downer". Please seek help for this situation.

My mom is like this also. She wears me out, however, I live in a different state from her. She expects me or someone to "care about her" at all times. Very selfish woman. I call her once a week to hear "poor me" something is not right about this or that. Complained about Thanksgiving at my brother's house because a 4 year old was jumping on the couch. Young people don't raise their kids right anymore, according to her. Too much attention, not like when she was young and kids were seen and not heard.

Then she goes into the "poor me" about her parents divorce and her mom abandoning her and her dad never paid her attention and her stepmom was evil, yada, yada. Wore me out by the end. See what I mean? Depressed people are a black hole,if they refuse to acknowledge and treat the depression. And it will rub off on you.

I hope my rambling helps. God knows I know enough depressed people to have some insight!
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