Feeling Alone Guilty & Scared

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Hello I am 50 years old taking care of my aging parents both have various health problems. They are well enough to leave alone during the day while I go to work I average 60 to 70 hrs a week. But need constant care such as going to the doctor, shopping cleaning and normal every day chores. My mother does not remember any thing example going to the store she does not remember what she has bought and goes back and get the same thing all over. My father has bad heart problems and can not walk far and incontience problems. I know this does not sound like much now but I fear it is only ging to get worse and dont know how I will be able to take care of them. Right now I can not go out with any of my friends with out feeling like I should be doing somthing for them. I know other people have it much worse. But I dont knwo if I will be able to deal with it as it gets harder, but I know someone has to do it and who else my only sister lives 1500 miles away. How do I have a life of my own and still make things good for them. I know this sounds selfish but Ijust dont know what I should do.


Have you looked into assisted living facilities?
Don't feel guilty for wanting a life away from caring for your parents. You have to take care of yourself, both physically and mentally, in order to continue taking care of your parents. Have you thought about bringing someone into the home, even if for only a day or two a week, to help with groceries, cleaning, etc? Home health agencies provide these services. Also, check with your Area Agency on Aging (look it up in the phone book.) They may know of some free or low-cost assistance. Whatever you decide, remember, you have to continue to have a life away from caring for your parents.
I can honestly say that I know how you feel. My moms condition(which she denies) has been getting worse.....and so has my clinical depression. She was diagnosed more than a couple of years ago;but, her symptoms have become worse since a series of falls she suffered on valentines day weekend(7 total). WOW-can you say "Downhill slope?". The little time that I am able to get away or not think about her or her condition-she just guilts me about it later. I say that if you at least have a group of friends to go out with, please do so. I am not that fortunate....life hasn't dealt me too much of a good hand when it came to picking my friends and/or my relationships. The guilt for going out and being away from them will never go away;but, they say, it does get less when their condition gets worse. I pray fervently to God for wisdom and strength to deal with this ever so quickly changing situation. Always remember that although we might think "it is too much to handle(myself included)-he never gives us more than we can handle.....God Bless.
I understand how you feel too. My mother gets hives around new people. I can't get any one to give me any time off. Once a week I go to buy groceries an supplies.My son will stay with her that short time. The minute I get back she acts like I've been gone all day. I can't take her with me cause I haven't figured out how to push a wheel chair and a grocery buggy at the same time.
I know the feeling of guilt you feel. I am 47 and my husband and I have'nt had a break from my mother-in-law for a year. If I want to go out to dinner alone with my husband we feel so bad about her sitting there alone we either take her with us or we don't go. I have a 12 year old daughter still at home so she and I usually go our own way and my husband stays home. I feel bad for him but silently I'm resentful of the situation. She goes to the doctor like it's a job, yet all her tests come back fine and she insists her health is bad. She is 77 and the only thing wrong is she had knee replacements and is forgetful. She refuses any senior care help like driving her to doctors appointments only trusting my husband who is now missing a lot of work. It has been very hard balancing kids, marriage, work and her care. I want my life back too and as I write this am afraid my husband will come in and find me writing this. I don't want to hurt the people I love but I don't know how much longer I can live like this.
Buster you are definately not alone and you need the time for yourself to be a better care giver. To build yourself up, what hobbies do you like? or maybe volunterring for some organization. I refused to give up the things I like to do because they are important. You are a great son for what you are doing for your parents I have both of mine at home with me and I run to appts., shopping, I have two teenage sons and I have to do for them and a husband, I always find time for my scouting. Hope you reach out and find something that is meaningful for you to do, and don't feel guilty one bit. Decor

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