My parents recently were discharged from home health PT/OT. Since then they have done very little to do any follow up exercise as instructed
My mother continues to blame multiple reasons for not following through. She continues to point out that my father is weak and not doing his exercise. My father does use his walker to go to breakfast at their ALF, but again she has multiple excuses that she can't go?
Totally understand the difficulty to be motivated on your own to exercise .
A group with music and an instructor sounds great! I’m glad you are willing to go to clubs , events etc . You’ll socialize and meet friends .
1) PT doesn’t work
2) I don’t believe in PT
3) OT is stupid , she makes me hang up clothes hangers in the closet, which I don’t need because the laundry staff does that for me here ( in ALF).
4) I’m fine , I don’t need that cr4p
5) Leave me alone , I need to rest ( after a stroke ).
6) They are just wasting Medicare money.
7) I don’t want to
8) I’m tired .
9) They come too early .
10) I’m not old like the rest of these people .
It boils down to they either don’t understand , have no energy , or don’t care ( depressed) or all of the above .
Way, I'll add one more your list.
11) No-one ever told me I need to walk.
After 2 years of refusing to stand or walk (she was an avid walker until the day she stopped) my mother (99) is still certain that, if she wants to, she can hop right out of bed, walk down the stairs and drive away in her car (which is long gone). She yelled at the physiotherapists to leave her alone. I think she truly believes that, when she feels like it, she’ll just pick up where she left off 2 years ago. Another dementia delusion.
Beatty, you made me snort. ‘11) No-one ever told me I need to walk.’
I asked my mother why she was being spoon fed instead of feeding herself. She informed me that nobody told her to feed herself. So I told her to pick up the cutlery and feed herself. She did. That was 2 years ago. She still feeds herself some days. Depends on her mood.
It is what it is. Accept it and don't ruin your relationship with mom by constantly nagging her. That's my suggestion.
Aspects of resistance could include:
* Dementia
* Depression
* Feeling overwhelm
* Lack of will
* Anxiety
Best to talk with her about how she feels instead / not 'push' her.
She won't respond well to any pushing or most likely telling her the why she needs to do xxx for recovery and if she doesn't xxx will happen (i.e., go back to the way it was, worse, lose muscle mass). "This 'logic talk' doesn't help in my experience (although not a parent; it was a client).
I'd bet that this was your mom's MO for some or most of her life 'blaming others.' People do that when they aren't (able) / ready to take responsibility for their feelings and/or behavior. Ultimately, she will do what she wants and suffer the consequences of her actions or inactions.
I wonder if she'd benefit form someone doing them with her?
Not that that is easy to do / accomplish.
If there is a 'carrot on the stick' that will get her going, use it.
Along with this, I would try to relax / express calmness towards her.
She'll pick up on your stress and frustration which won't help either of you.
Take her hand, smile, look in her eyes. Just be with her.
Perhaps with this quality connection with you, she'll be more motivated to do what is in her best interest. She is likely suffering (tired, depressed, etc) If you can focus on this - a bit - perhaps she will respond. Although be careful to not over-do it... she may 'just' want the attention and be baiting you for that. I don't know. It is often a fine dance and we just have to try different approaches until something might click / work ... and then know when to rest / stop / accept what is. It isn't easy. We do what we can and then step back.
Gena / Touch Matters
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