Why do I always feel like I am in crisis mode?

I have a cousin who worries about everything, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is just part of her nature, her temperament and there is nothing you can do about your personality makeup but you can learn to cope better. I agree with other respondents that spending some quality time with a mental health professional can help you to put things in proper perspective AND perhaps confirm that your are living a chaotic life style, and that person can recommend a life plan for you. I believe we all have problems, but what makes the difference is how we deal with them. Pray for strength.

I think that when I also have acted like the ROCK, because an observant and competent person can notice when someone is floundering and see the need for someone to decisively step in, when so many others around have words but no plan to help, so we feel that we will not let the person down - and we step up, and manage it. Doing that, teaches us even better skills. So when another crisis arrives, we feel aware, and do what we can to reassure, help where possible - again being aware, we see that if nobody steps up, there is risk for confusion or neglect that can be fatal if someone is fragile. All good enough, if nature let us step back and develop other interests and ways to interact with others - but when we have been the emergency resolver - crisis resolver - we do have alertness to risks, higher alertness to others around. Our health systems are very fragmented, each specialty working during work hours and in their own silo of focus - anything outside those lines gets lost - if they refer someone, and the referral falls on the weekend, no care arrives until Monday, but some risks cannot wait. meanwhile we've been so good at resolving things, often others don't even see the risks we faced, no matter what words they use to call us "angels".

Major issues in this country and time, of delegation - with instant advice, but little training for management, for training to plan delegation and stay involved through the transition, and on the receiving end of new role delegation - no training for a learning curve and weekly check-ns, so that errors or risks are being anticipated and addressed.

So, the same people are the ones who handle most of the crises, while others are cheerleaders with little experience in specific case risks. What is passed on is lists for care by interchangeable caregivers, who don't learn to notice risks to issues not appearing on their lists to watch.

I have seen this dynamic repeatedly, and when I accept a challenge to "help" I work hard to be available to just watch teh situation repeatedly, show up, so I can see what might be best to do - It can be hard to change our focus, onto building skills to delegate and support and work with new people, because that is not an "on/off" process, even if so many people sellling their services or bystanders, think it is.

Time to be selfish before you fall apart. Experienced!!

I've felt that way ever since my mother was admitted to the nursing home years ago, the hospitalization that had me feeling like my heart was being ripped out, being her POA and dealing with her (she was difficult) and no family support later as they didn't want anything to do with her. I had Post traumatic stress before, but this added to it. I don't think my adrenaline has ever slowed down. Developed frequent PACs and PVCs. I think it really took a toll on my health. I'm still trying to get my life back...it's slow. I pray you can do better

I agree...it is because you have been in crisis mode.

Maybe time to get some help. My guess is that an hour or two with a mental health counselor, sorting through all the crap you have been through and coming up with a plan for going forward would be well spent!

Thanks, I have to get back into some fun activities. It is just every time I turn around it is a crisis. As far as Kinber166, DD and SIL are separated. She kicked him out of our house a few weeks ago. Yea! Was very necessary. We have our daughter back! She is talking and nice to us again. He really got in between us and her. She is happy again. It took a level of stress away.
Its just like this AM when dads car heater does not work, I thought I fixed it but for some reason its is not working now. So he waits until last minute and then I have to come up with the solution. He says "I hope I can clean my windshield this AM with the heater broken". So I have him take my spare car (daughters car). Lets hope he pays attention to driving a different car.
Going to dinner with friends tonight. Need to get out more. I have spent so much time close to home it drives me crazy, the down side is my business is in my home to I am here in the middle of it 24/7 so crisis finds me. I tried the gym (hate exercise). I am very involved with many organizations in my business and civic so they help. But I need to break away once in a while. I just feel that I am "on duty" 24/7 and I never fully relax. Going away is hard because of the logistics. Have to sure sure someone is around to care for the house, Dad and the dogs. Now that is it just daughter, she is very helpful so we will appreciate her while she is living with us (not take advantage).
Need to find a way to decompress. Yes, Yogagirl, I do need a vacation, trouble is with a teacher we have to go around their schedule. Makes it difficult. I have planned a week at the lake for next summer, doing something for a week in April in warm weather, that is so far away tho.

You need and deserve a break.
Trust me, a short vacation will feel like heaven.
You will come back refreshed with a new perspective.

Boy, I hear you. And I haven't even gone through what you have been through. I started seeing a good therapist, and it has helped just to talk. We actually just found a great AL place for my Mom and having her live there (she moves next week) will solve all sorts of problems and relieve all sorts of worry. I realized today as I crossed the last major todo off the move plan that I am going to have to retrain my brain. It is so used to being on high alert. And when I'm stressed my response is to plan, plan plan. Which is a pretty useful stress response but it wears on my family members (as I plan plan plan at them) and me.

Good luck, and just know you aren't alone.

I know what you mean. I feel the same way sometimes. And when I do start to feel pretty good, BAM, something drops in from left field. I just keep praying that things will calm down. But, when our parents are aging and other people in the family who depend on us, have health issues.....I don't think that will improve.

Early this year I started focusing on my health and it really has made a difference. Then, I started to work on a career change. I'm feeling much better and really hope that things will get better. The next step is for me to remove myself from people who are overly anxious. I think anxiety breeds anxiety. lol

After I retired from my job this summer, my father insisted on coming along with me every time I went anywhere. He is age 89 and can still drive short distances but not on the highway because he knows that his reaction time is probably too slow for higher speed driving. Only in the past month have I finally gone anywhere in the car by myself. I couldn't believe how much better it felt to go somewhere by myself. It was like a flashback to better times. I too wonder about, when being a caregiver is over, if I will ever stop feeling on edge. Things can be fine one minute, and the next thing you know there can be total madness and chaos.

You've spent 7 years in this mode-it's like a surge protector getting hit over and over. What has helped me is I take 3 hours a week with friends - we don't talk about anything except light stuff. For three hours, I'm just me - not a caregiver or at work, no one is making any demands on me. Hopefully you have an activity you can do with friends - golf, skiing, watching a football game. And you need to do this on a consistent basis so you have this respite to look forward.

Because you have been in crisis mode; and what you feel is "calmed down" is probably still almost too much to manage. I have cared for my mom (now 95) in my home for 14 years; I know; I live this life every day. My best suggestion for you is to breathe, try to eat well, try to rest whenever you can; try to get good help if you can possibly afford it; and yes "it is hard to concentrate on business or relax"; it is really very difficult; unfair; not completely understandable; hard on your mind and body; and yes; I don't see my friends like I used to; and in fact I don't seem to do anything like I used to! My thoughts and prayers are with you; Caregal

It’s seems you are the GO TO GUY, the ROCK, that everyone counts on for everything. It gets old. Are people taking you for granted? Can you pull in a couple apron strings?

Maybe a bad comparison bit it’s like the mom who went on strike. Family members had to learn to take care of themselves. Assign, delegate, relax.

While I haven't researched this and don't know specifically if there's medical proof of it, I think that sometimes caregiving can create its own form of PTSD. Imagine the military who've returned to civilian life, and how difficult it is to switch from being on high alert, always anticipating and psyched up to respond to hostilities. It becomes an ingrained, omnipresent mindset.

That alert mode doesn't go away immediately, and sometimes it never does. I think caregiving can produce the same hyped, alert mode.

And the level and length of it would I assume vary by individual as well as would the response.

I've learned on some programs that ex-military people suffering from PTSD have found remediation through animals, caring for them, and accepting the unconditional and nonthreatening love animals have for their humans.

As to the preoccupation with issues needing attention, I've found it helps to create a project list and prioritize, starting with the most important ones, the basics. If you're familiar with zero based concepts, apply those.

I.e. list the projects that are creating the mental chaos, start with a clean slate with zero projects for the day, then add them in the order of importance. Cf., what absolutely has to be done today, what can be done tomorrow, and which are less priority and can be done when the higher level tasks are completed? That's what helps me when my mind won't stop churning and the tasks seem endless and all immediate.

I think of this when I read posts by people who have so much to deal with, but the typical female chores and responsibilities of cleaning are included. I.e., "I have to cook, clean, chauffeur...."

For caregivers, those are lower priorities in my opinion; care and health of the caregiver and elder are higher. The floor will get dirty tomorrow even if it's cleaned today, and the dust bunnies have managed to establish permanent residence.

Factor out the less important, keep only the mandatory tasks, then use the rest of the time for relaxation. And this applies to work as well; you always have to prioritize your tasks.

Tgengine - i have been following your other posts. What happened between your DD and SIL?

Do you ever actually switch off from the issues of daily life? Take time out for yourself, something that you enjoy, gardening, a hobby, take a break, catch up with old friends even if it is you doing the initial contacting.
All the best, Arlene

I understand how you feel, but I think time helps. Also, it can help to reduce caffeinated beverages (coffee, tea, etc.) as caffeine can magnify anxiety, etc.

Ah yes, the crisis mode.... always waiting for that other shoe to drop.

I know that feeling, I still have it even though my last parent passed just over a year ago, plus two family pets recently from old age. I am hyper at work thus hard to concentrate. When can I finally exhale feeling, right?