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My dad is too physically well to get Medicaid to pay for a nursing home, but he is totally incapable of taking care of himself. He can’t
even put his housecoat on right without help. I had to go on
Disability in Feb 2015 for an autonomic dysfunction and Rheumatoid Arthritis. I have been trying to take care of him because he doesn’t have enough money to pay for assisted living.
I don’t know how much they have to be able to do for assisted living but I’m afraid they won’t take him even when I get his VA benefit. He goes to the bathroom by himself, he walks and he feeds himself but he can’t dress himself without help, take his medicine, fix meals, wash. He does nothing for himself. He doesn’t have a clue what time of day it is. He has only 4 things
that concern him! Breakfast,lunch, dinner and medicine? He can ask about those things all day long every day? I am worn out!

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I would ask his doctor for an evaluation from a geriatric specialist as to his needs and level of care. This is a terrible burden for you and sounds like it is affecting your health. Do check with your local agency for aging and other places as mentioned above. He will need more help than you can give him eventually and from the sound of it, his care is straining your limits now.

I believe there are some ALFs that accept medicaid. At present he may fit there, but if he cannot dress himself or wash he may not. Memory care may be a better fit. It would be worth checking out. Let us know how you make out.
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Have you investigated a group home situation for him? My understanding is that these can be considerably cheaper than assisted living. Of course, they don't have all perks of assisted living, but not everybody cares about that, especially when they can't afford it. Group homes are for functionally disabled people who need help with day to day activities but are not impaired enough require skilled nursing care.
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I had him in a nursing home and they said he did not have enough
Wrong with him medically to stay and made me pick him up. I also
Had a VA representative go and evaluate him and he also said he
would not qualify for Medicaid because he can walk, feed himself
and got to the bathroom. He can not be left alone. I have to stay
with him or get a sitter.
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Have you applied for Medicaid for him? How do you know if he is "too healthy"? Have you had a needs assessment done? Were you there when it was conducted?
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We are finding that there are a lot of community based resources that can help give you a break a couple of days a week. Reach out to your local senior center and see what your town has to offer. Many of the services will not cost you much, if anything. It might buy you some tie while you sort out a longer term plan.

Be strong and don't forget to take care of yourself
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