Jim and I have been married 41 years. Three and a half years ago, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I have been the sole caregiver.

It has been bearable. His knees hurt so he doesn't tend to wander. He needs help dressing, grooming and he sticks close to me like I am his security blanket. He is content to watch tv most of the day. The incontinence has just started.

I have always told myself I would keep him home until it was unsafe or he no longer recognized me. I don't want him to feel abandoned at a memory care facility.

For those of you with spouse's with Alzheimer's, when did you know it was time for the memory care facility?

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I can relate to what my boss had gone through. He had promised his wife he would never place her into a nursing home which I can understand but yet again I saw and heard daily the trials and tribulations of having an Alzheimer's spouse at home.

My boss had a Caregiver who came in at 7 a.m. and left around 5 p.m. so he could go to work during the week. Thus he had to leave his office, sometimes in the middle of a meeting, to get home in time to take over from the Caregiver. His wife was a darling woman, kind and gentle, and who would shadow her husband throughout the house... he didn't mind.....

But at night there were the numerous bathroom accidents, almost daily even with wearing Depends, washing of sheets at 3 in the morning, and him sleeping with one eye opened. Of course he was exhausted when he came to work the next day. Therefore, one would need to consider another layer of care if you aren't getting enough sleep.

I remember a story of a gentleman who use to come to the nursing home to have lunch and dinner with his wife, who was there due to Alzheimer's.... his friends asked why did he go to the nursing home when she didn't even know who he was.... he replied "But I know who she is".
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My GF Karen kept her spouse home until the police department told her she had to stop him from angrily chasing hallucinations off the property. When his fear disintegrated to the point of aggression, it was time.
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