I always read, and respond to, comments from people who are laying guilt trips on others for needing to place a parent in a care home environment; Skilled Nursing, Memory Care or Assisted Living.
If you LOVED your mother, they'll say, you'd care for her at home, even if it's killing you to do so!
How's that for a guilt trip? Yet we read comments like that ALL THE TIME here!
What does love have to do with the need to place a loved one in a care home environment?
As a receptionist in a Memory Care community, I DARE you to tell ANY ONE of the sons, daughters, husbands, wives or other loved ones that they do not 'LOVE' their family member and 'put' them there in this place to rot away! I'd sure love to see the fight that would break out as a result of such an insensitive comment.
Not many people would have the chutzpah to make that comment in real life, to someone's face, yet find it perfectly acceptable to do so under the veil of anonymity here on the forum.
I call FOUL!
When is it okay to say you've had enough and that you're human and can't care for your loved one any longer? Do you have to be in the hospital yourself before it's acceptable to surrender?
I will say this: my parents have been in Assisted Living/Memory Care since 2014; Dad passed in 2015. My mother is almost 93 and still alive precisely BECAUSE she's in a care environment with a staff to look after her 24/7! Had she been in my home, or living in the 'heaven' everyone seems to think is her Own Home all this time, she would have died long ago.
Having a staff 24/7, round the clock, is safer and a lot more effective than trying to care for a loved one yourself day & night! And knowing when to call the doctor, or when to call 911, or when to get an xray and on and on. In a care environment, those things are a known quantity, as a rule, and done FOR the elder.
It's okay also to take care of your loved one in your home, or their home, if that is what you truly want to do, and if you're happy doing so, and if THEY are safe in that environment. But please, do not pass judgment on those who MUST place their loved one in care!
You actually may find YOURSELF in that boat one day and I promise you that you will not welcome comments telling you that if you 'loved' your mother, you wouldn't have 'put her in a home.'
Some decisions are out of our hands. Some decisions are made FOR us. And some decisions have to be made for the sheer necessity of it.
Be kind when leaving a comment here on the forum. Lots of people are hurting and genuinely in need of a sincere word of understanding and empathy rather than judgment.