My term of service will hopefully be coming to an end within days and although I have over a years worth of to-do list I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around enjoying something again.
I am assuming you r placing Mom in a NH? That started me feeling free.
When Mom was in the AL, I washed her clothes. I still was responsible for buying her toiletries and personal needs. I handled her finances. That all stopped when she went to a NH. Private pay took the rest of her money. I made the NH her payee for SS and pension. I washed her clothes but saw how clean and smell free the residents were, so handed the job over to the facility. All I had to do was visit, which I did every other day. Everyday the first week or two to get to know the staff and them me. I had a vacation planned in early Oct to visit our southern relatives. (one reason for handing the laundry over to the facility). The only responsibility I had was the sale of the house which still hasn't happened. I had a lawyer helping with that so some stress taken off my shoulders.
It was my Moms passing though, that took a lot of stress away. No more worries. I didn't have to worry about another hospital stay. Making decisions for her, right or wrong. Watching her fade away.
I still have the house. Hopefully, my nephew has found a place to live. Once he moves, there will be a final clean out, the utilities shut off and the house closed up. Since no taxes have been paid, then the township will take over eventually. Close probate and I am done. Other than my husband, I will never be a POA again or an executor to anyones will.
Even when someone passes, especially an elderly parent or a spouse, the "sentence" will still continue on for awhile.
For me, my parents hadn't placed everything into a revocable test, so off to Probate I had to go. With the help of my parent's Elder Law Attorney there was paperwork after paperwork for almost two years.... whew !
Then the sale of the house. Oh gosh, what to do with everything. Lot of logistics involved. That in itself was more exhausting then helping my parents when they were still living there.
It's been 2 years since my last parent had passed, and some of the rooms in my house still look like a flea market. I never regained any energy :(
So, I spend quaity time climbing up the family tree via Ancestry, found over 1,500 people, way back then not unusual for couples to have 12 to 15 children, and their children having the same number. Doing this makes me closer to relatives that I rarely saw and relatives I never met :(
There was no first moment as such for me, but this entire year of 2018 has been about finding my way back to a stable and healthy existence. Thyroid medication has helped, I have employment since January that is relatively stress free, and I'm content to allow myself to find a new normal. Things are going well!! I really thought my happiness was gone from life, except for brief moments of escapism, but now I'm content and doing well enough most days! It's wonderful to look forward to my future again because that notion was simply gone for a few years due to several factors, but the demoralization of a dysfunctional caregiving situation was a big factor. Having myriad health problems was another factor. The new medication has helped, I exercise more than previously and eat healthy foods, plus stress is way down and my mind/body are much better off for that being the case.
I wish everyone to find themselves moving towards a content, self focused place after caregiving life has ended. It takes time... but I think caregivers very much deserve to move on with our own lives, and I think that's what Loved Ones would want.
For me,I surround myself with life! Mom passed end of July, I spent days at state fair (family poultry),I've had 4 grandsons spend a week. We did things I've never done in my city. Mom was a busy woman until the last 2 years,she was 98. I know she would want to see me active and living a full life. No guilt for me I did what needed done at the time. I miss Mom terribly but a busy life lessens the grief.
There wasn't a first thing, first moment that things changed and I started to live again. It was a very gradual process and I am still recovering. Mom passed in June 2017, I had not provided that one on one care for two years. I still am thoroughly enjoying being alone. I have to force myself to go out. It was constant activity, worry, always sensitive to what mom was thinking and doing. What if something happens then what will I do?
Gremlin, just take your time. It is not going to be all of the sudden revelation, wow I am having fun and enjoying myself. Just take your time and you will need that time. Enjoy the lack of constant worry and activity.
Find somewhere to go and be quiet and rest for a week. Take a book, go for walks. When you get bored, you will get some energy to find your list again.
When Mom was in the AL, I washed her clothes. I still was responsible for buying her toiletries and personal needs. I handled her finances. That all stopped when she went to a NH. Private pay took the rest of her money. I made the NH her payee for SS and pension. I washed her clothes but saw how clean and smell free the residents were, so handed the job over to the facility. All I had to do was visit, which I did every other day. Everyday the first week or two to get to know the staff and them me. I had a vacation planned in early Oct to visit our southern relatives. (one reason for handing the laundry over to the facility). The only responsibility I had was the sale of the house which still hasn't happened. I had a lawyer helping with that so some stress taken off my shoulders.
It was my Moms passing though, that took a lot of stress away. No more worries. I didn't have to worry about another hospital stay. Making decisions for her, right or wrong. Watching her fade away.
I still have the house. Hopefully, my nephew has found a place to live. Once he moves, there will be a final clean out, the utilities shut off and the house closed up. Since no taxes have been paid, then the township will take over eventually. Close probate and I am done. Other than my husband, I will never be a POA again or an executor to anyones will.
For me, my parents hadn't placed everything into a revocable test, so off to Probate I had to go. With the help of my parent's Elder Law Attorney there was paperwork after paperwork for almost two years.... whew !
Then the sale of the house. Oh gosh, what to do with everything. Lot of logistics involved. That in itself was more exhausting then helping my parents when they were still living there.
It's been 2 years since my last parent had passed, and some of the rooms in my house still look like a flea market. I never regained any energy :(
So, I spend quaity time climbing up the family tree via Ancestry, found over 1,500 people, way back then not unusual for couples to have 12 to 15 children, and their children having the same number. Doing this makes me closer to relatives that I rarely saw and relatives I never met :(
I wish everyone to find themselves moving towards a content, self focused place after caregiving life has ended. It takes time... but I think caregivers very much deserve to move on with our own lives, and I think that's what Loved Ones would want.
Mom passed end of July, I spent days at state fair (family poultry),I've had 4 grandsons spend a week. We did things I've never done in my city.
Mom was a busy woman until the last 2 years,she was 98. I know she would want to see me active and living a full life. No guilt for me I did what needed done at the time. I miss Mom terribly but a busy life lessens the grief.
Gremlin, just take your time. It is not going to be all of the sudden revelation, wow I am having fun and enjoying myself. Just take your time and you will need that time. Enjoy the lack of constant worry and activity.