His memory is getting much worse.

He has become extremely paranoid and distrusting of me, and my brother especially for no good reason. This really upsets us all.

He's hiding money because he thinks my brother is going to rip my sister and I off.

We now have made a decision to sell our weekender because he's driving us mad that if we rent it, he doesn't want to pay to get kitchen fixed, and being in a Bush area it'll definitely burn down.

So now he's worried about tax he has to pay when he sells it. Anyway we've had a gutful of his nonsense.

He's preparing to evacuate even though there's no fires in his neighborhood. But there have been up the coast. Hundred of miles away.

He gets angry if we don't agree with his opinion or delusions.

He has absolutely zero empathy for any stress or illness that impact on me or my husband. He actually said I should have stress.

He has become unbelievably selfish and uncaring and self pitying.

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I am sure speculating is normal if he doesn’t seem like himself. Personally, I would no longer second guess and request that cognitive tests be performed so you will have definitive answers.

Best wishes to you and your family.
Helpful Answer (2)

I also feel father has Dementia and probably mid stage. Hopefully you have Power of Attorney because I don't think he is competent enough to sign to sell property. If u don't have POA, I would get it ASAP while he can still assign you. You can try and sell if its something you all feel needs to be sold.

Get him evaluated.
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The description you’ve described does sound like your LO may have dementia. You need to have a medical assessment done as soon as possible.

Dementia is a tough complex disease, it’s normal to want to reason with someone when hearing baseless comments and arguments. There is no reasoning with a person with dementia, they don’t have the capacity to understand.

Once you’ve have a diagnosis it will easier for you to decide best course of action for your new normal. It will be a process that will try your patience, empathy, and finances. Wishing u the best!
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Thankyou Kitty for your kind words and advice
The key to harmony with Dad is to always agree with his opinions and delusions. Never argue with dementia, as hard as that may be to actually DO! It gets you nowhere except an even BIGGER argument. Don't apply YOUR logic to HIM, it doesn't work that way anymore. Dementia patients cannot have sympathy or empathy for anyone but themselves. It is now all about them, 24/7, and nothing else matters. I witness this continuously with my mother who finds a fellow resident in her community to be obnoxious. She wants him to be kicked out of the Memory Care home because he annoys her. She simply cannot understand that he LIVES there also and has rights! Just b/c he annoys HER is no reason to have him kicked out. What if SHE annoys HIM? Should SHE be kicked out? I can't have that conversation with her, however, because her brain will not process my words. So I tell her to go to complain to the Executive Director. Again.

Dementia is a horrible disease and not something you can make sense of. It turns our loved ones into strangers who we no longer know and no longer like, sometimes. I mean, I do love my mother, but I don't like her the vast majority of the time, due to her horrible behavior. It is what it is. I believe it's healthy to acknowledge the situation for what it is, and to acknowledge our limitations and frustrations with our folks, and go from there.

Figure out how to minimize YOUR frustration with your dad. Can you get in home carers to help you? Can you set boundaries, for yourself, that is, ie: I will speak with dad for 15 minutes in the living room or until he gets too obnoxious & then I will leave his presence w/o feeling guilty. That sort of thing. Set down some rules for YOUR sanity!!! Because you can't set down any for HIM; he's not going to change or understand anything you tell him.

Use statements like: I understand your feelings Dad, and I'm sorry you are feeling that way. Gee, that's unfortunate Dad, I'm sorry to hear it. Don't try to 'fix' things for him because there will only be more broken things he'll present to you. Just acknowledge HIS feelings and change the subject. Redirect him whenever possible onto a new subject.

Best of luck dealing with what can be a rather unmanageable situation. Look into placement for Dad if things get too difficult.
Helpful Answer (8)
Thankyou for your suggestions. They are very helpful.
If you began to feel fearful and suspicious and frustrated, and your world was gradually not making sense to you any more, wouldn't you be looking for reasons why?

Your father is looking for reasons why. The *feelings* come from deterioration in his brain, but how is he to comprehend that? The feelings are real. All he's wrong about is the causes of the feelings; but when you *feel* suspicious and fearful it's hard to accept that nothing is amiss except the inside of your own head.

What professional advice have you had so far? We on the forum can share our experience and empathise with you but your father really needs to be seen by a specialist in dementia.

For handling the behaviours, try Teepa Snow. She is an occupational therapist by training and a genius at explaining what is going on and how to handle it - I think you can find her videos on YouTube, but Google will point you in the right direction anyway.
Helpful Answer (5)
Honestly you need to see a doctor for this.

There are so many things that could cause an increase in behaviors when you are dealing with a senior.

If he has dementia he can't help his nonsense, it is up to you all to be the adults now. It is a difficult transition to realize that our parents can no longer function as the patriarch or matriarch of the family and learning how to deal with them in their world is challenging, like daily.

If you guys can't deal with him, it may be time to hire a professional.
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