My mom is 82 years old and lives alone 5 minutes from me. She has Medicare and Medicaid. Her only income is Social Security and that's $700 a month. She had fallen using her walker last Oct. and spent almost 3 months in rehab. The physical therapist went to Mom's house to asses if she would be ok to go back to her house and live on her own. He thought as long as she gets a couple of grab bars in the bathroom that's all she needed.
I did not agree with him as my mom was still pretty weak even with her walker, but she was determined to leave the rehab and go back to her house. On the last day of her discharge she had an episode that had brought a cardiac doctor to her room who asked her to stay for another few days so she could be monitored since her blood pressure had went up and she was getting palpitations.
She yelled at everyone and said "You're all trying to keep me here and I wanna go home." and she started crying. The doctor asked if I could convince my mom that she'd be better off staying.
She wasn't having it. She told me that I was "conspiring" wtih the doctor and the administration there and she wasn't staying. So I brought her home. She was allowed to have a home aide come in 10 hours a week to do light housework, fix meals, bathing, etc., but no medical stuff at all. I am 56 years old, the only child and have some physical limitations, but I manage to do pretty much everything for my mom except bathe her, which btw, she won't allow anyone to do that saying she gives herself "a horse bath".😒
Now my mom's caseworker told her "but that's not good enough my dear, what about your feet, your back, etc." and my mom told her "Don't worry I can do it." My mom has had 2 yeast infections under her breast as a result of her unsanitary hygiene and she reeks, which I have trouble being near her for very long. My mom also has untreated breast or lung cancer, we're not sure which because she refused an exam with her doctor the last time she saw her which was before her fall. Her doctor went under her shirt to put the stethoscope and noticed the blackened sore above moms left breast and asked her how long that had been there. She didnt' get an answer. So along with that, my mom does have Asthma, spinal degeneration, anxiety, osteopenia and the beginnings of what the ER doctor said the last time she was in the ER (Jan. 2017) of dementia. She ONLY takes her Asthma medication because she says all the other drugs she's been prescribed for the pain in her hips and anxiety give her "bad reactions". What's been happening lately though is something I'm having a really hard time dealing with and needed to reach out to you all to ask on how to go about handling it better, because it is truly causing me a tremendous amount of worry and I sometimes feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. I have no relatives nearby. I have 2 cousins in Arizona who are taking care of my elderly auntie, their mom who has brain cancer. So, when I do talk to my cousins, I don't tell them all that's been going on with my mom. My mom sleeps at intervals during the day and is up pretty much all night. She is fearful of everything and constanly brings up all the nastiness going on in the world and all the crimes that keep happening because we live in a suburb right next to Chicago. She will have these "episodes" of when she's close to sleep, or maybe she's just awakened from a sleep where she'll call me and say in a very, very weak and scared voice, "Tina, come here right now I need you to come over, something's not right, I'm very sick, please come over, please at least just for an hour till I feel better." She will do this about 4-5 times a few minutes apart. Sometimes she'll call up to 6-8 times a night.
I have had to turn my phone off to get some sleep, but I am to the point where I turn it off even during the daytime since I'm at work and can't take calls all the time. So when I hear her voice messages where she's being mean because I didn't respond to her the first time she called then, she calls and leave messages shaming me saying "Your friends wouldn't do this to their mothers would they?" or "Why are you ignoring me?" Sometimes I'll go to see her and as soon as I leave and get in my car she's calling me and leaves a message saying I should pick up, and that she needs to talk to me, but I don't because I'm driving and she's says "that's bulls**t". Why is she calling so many times and why does she pretend to be dying when she calls for certain messages, but then another message her voice is very strong and she'll say mean things to make me feel guilty? Oh, when I go see her, she also has these crying jags where she'll be talking about something then she'll get really sad and start to whail. Is this all part of dementia?
The incessant phone calls and crying? I forgot to mention my mom did not allow the home aide to come by to help at all.
She's refused the company to come and install the medical alert button for emergencies. She's turned down ALL outside help and expects me to do everything which I'm not capable of. She will not go to see her doctor either.