I feel she is not making the best choices on various issues and she argues with me on any suggestions I have. She lives in a nursing home and has now for 5 years since my dad passed. She will not agree to clean out her home and sell things. She will never live in it ever again as she cannot walk or care for herself. Everything except for the food (she did allow me to clean that out) is exactly like it was the day they left. Their clothes and shoes are still in the closet. After 5 years now, I have found some traces of mice and a wasp stung my husband the other day inside the house. Whenever I suggest cleaning it out she get mad at me and threatens to take me out of her will. I'm 59 years old, a Christian, and disabled myself. She has controlled me my whole life and as a Christian, I know I am beginning to not verbally treat her the way God would want me to, but I have nearly taken all that I can to the point of it effecting my health now. Any suggestions would be most appreciated. I have never felt loved from her, but know I should love her and all enemys for that matter.

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She has been in a nursing home for 5 years and there is no chance she will move back into her house? I would say you have held out 'much longer' than I would have! Begin the emptying, have it professionally cleaned (with her money). Put it up for sale and put the proceeds in a new account in her name with your address as the mailing address.
I began emptying my Mom's apt while she was in rehab from a hip surgery. I knew she would never return. I found a memory care place for her and it took almost a year for the apt to sell. But at least I got it going. I never told her. When rehab was over, we had a transport service take her to the new place. We told her the doctor wanted her to get more practice walking. We were fortunate, she was very accepting of each move. Good luck, do what you must. The time is NOW.
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I am only asking this because I found myself in the same situation only a year ago, why were you appointed POA for medical and financial decisions?
Does she make all of her healthcare decisions and all of her financial decisions? If the answer is no, then it is okay for you to start dealing with her house as you know she no longer has the ability to clean it out herself.

My mother started having problems about 5 years ago. 4 years ago she had total replacement knee surgery and came to live with us after rehab. After 10 months she moved back home and did okay for awhile but spiraled into depression around the holidays 10 months later. She was taking medications she should not have been taking with sleep apnea and basically gave herself TIA's causing vascular dementia which was diagnosed last June. Her neurologist told me to make sure I was overseeing her finances so she would not lose her money to scammers or others because her reasoning skills with money and time (clocks) were damaged according to the cognitive tests. I did as he said and this wasn't received well but I had already taken her credit card statements to get scam charges removed due to catalog ordering. She has blown through her money and when the doctor gave me permission I jumped on it. She then accused us of stealing her money but we told her she made me POA 20 years before for when we got to this point in order to protect her money and investments to make sure they outlasted her.

We took her back to her home before we moved into a house we bought together in 2015. It was awful trying to get her to focus on cleaning out a drawer much less throwing away the hoard of stuff accumulated through frivolous spending. She could not get her head around any of it and we had to take charge. We brought the majority of her furniture into our new home to make it feel like hers but the stress was too much and she never adapted. She is now in a memory care assisted living. We will never take her back to her home because it is too stressful for her.

This is why I asked you the question. Would it be detrimental to your mother to return to her home? Can she physically do it if she could? If you answered "no" to both then you have your answer. It has to be done and since she is well cared for in a facility you now can do this. She doesn't need to be made aware of it because you are her legal representative as she cannot represent herself. We have not finished doing this ourselves and have only partially emptied and cleaned the home. Mice have built nests and even though the utilities are on, the house is losing value. This is the main reason to get it on the market so the money is available for their care and so their investment is protected for you and your children and mine. Hugs to you as we deal with very difficult mothers who knew one day we would have to do this for them. They knew they would not be able to give up their homes unless their health forced them to do it.
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