My dear old Mum is 95, blind, basically immobile, has moderate though quickly advancing dementia, lives in her unit in a nearby Retirement Village and refuses (surprise surprise) to move anywhere such as a Nursing Home because she is "so independent" plus she has a twelve year old dog she will not leave (I can understand that bit) and of course she cannot take the mutt to a Nursing Home so that is the primary resistance to her moving on .................... she has a legion of Blue Care people three to four times every day, a close friend acting as a "helper" once a week and dummy me (male son 70) 24/7 on call every minute of every day to cop all the abuse, accusations, problems, sickness and resolve every issue she cannot handle like using the two TV's, Radios (6 of them), cordless phones (3) and she no concept of her finances and on and on and on .......................... and I'll bet every reader has experienced the same saga or is presently in the middle of one!
She is now a lying (yep - true), devious, accusatory and viscous old lady who attacks me via the phone up to six times a day telling me what a failure I am as a son, how her long absent "other son" a resident in Canada for fifty years is soooooooooo much better that me, how I am worse than her late Hubbie (14 years passed who actually was a pretty dreadful guy to her) and how I will be the death of her because of the lack of help, love, understanding and most everything else imaginable, and I could fill many more pages with the dramas that go with this sort of situation.
Of late, she has started talking about buying a caravan (no money) and moving to the "seaside" or living in a tent under a friends home or going to the bank manager for a loan so she can move to the seaside. She is living on the full pension but I have to make up for anything other than the basics for living, rent etc.
Now she tells me I have been tampering with her Will, taking money from her savings account (mine anyway), falsifying Dad's Death Certificate (not sure why?), stealing her mail, money from her purse, hiding her debit card (lost five times in one year now) and stealing all her remote controls ........................... oh Boy, what a great life.
She is also talking about changing her Will and giving all the money to the RSPCA, building a dog proof fence "somewhere" to put her pooch in plus a full air conditioned kennel as well and pay someone to look after her (the dog!)
It is painfully and also sadly obvious from the above that Mum has or is rapidly succumbing to dementia but I would like to be prepared to forestall any of her craziness BEFORE it starts!
Oh yeah, in case you think I am an uncaring son, I am on FOUR (4) anti depressant and anti anxiety pills every day, have a marriage falling apart due Mum's demands on me and would love to exit this world BEFORE Mum, no hesitation whatsoever in saying that at all!
So, I'm beaten folks, ready to pull the pin as I have NO ONE to go to for help, guidance or what to do. Cannot force her into a home, brother wants nothing to with her as he is "on holidays", wife hates her as much as Mum hates her, have been to the local Priest, Head of Blue Care, Nursing Homes, you name it, I have tried it and nothing I can do!
Can't wait for the day I fall off my perch .................. except I have this dog who is my whole life! Gotta stay around for him!