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Local public health laws require that the nurses ask once weekly if the patient requires help bathing. My mother refuses so they just have to record that they attempted to help. She will not let family members help and she does not do it herself. She has developed incontinence and this makes the situation even worse. We cant MAKE her clean herself. What can we do?

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It sounds to me that she may need nursing home help. You could at least tell her that if she won't let an in-home nurse help her then she'll need to move where someone can. Be careful not to make it sound like a threat because she may need that move anyway sometime, but just explain that this is basic health and that you've done all that you can.

Best Wishes,
Carol
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I'm assuming that the staff asks your mom if she would like a shower out of obligation, not really concerned if she says yes or not just as long as they can document that they offered her a shower.

In many situations if an elderly person is asked if they would like a shower they're going to say no. I'm sure the staff knows this. Have they tried other methods of getting your mom to bathe? Like saying something like, "I'll be back in 3 minutes for your shower and then you can lay down for a little nap before dinner" or something like that?

Is there a particular staff member whom you really like? Someone you've noticed who really seems on top of things and is friendly and kind? Someone your mom has taken to? If so maybe you can seek out their assistance.

Talk to the Director of Nursing about this, see if the DON can't give you some guidance. I'm sure this isn't the first time they've come across this situation.
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Speak her language. Is there something she really likes that you can tempt her with. My aunt likes men. Recently she refused to get out of bed to bathe and her aid told her there were men all over her lawn ( mowing etc). She got right up and went to get her bath. She wanted to check out the men. If nothing else give her a bedside bath and make it fun. Nice soaps and warm water and lotions. Maybe a yellow duck to float around in the water. Essential oils to relax her if she can smell them. Even if you just get those large wipes and gently clean her feet and legs and her arms etc you can relax her. Tell her you need to take her to the shower to rinse it all off and put on some lotion. Dry shampoo her hair. Maybe it needs a trim? Apply some lipstick or lip gloss and give her a manicure and pedicure. Her caretakers will respond more favorably to her when she is groomed. Just human nature. It might awaken her interest in grooming. Try different things. Perhaps a special snack for after her bath. Or a gift wrapped in a pretty box with a beautiful bow. It can be something simple like a new comb or coloring book or a cupcake or cookie. Tell her she can open it right after her bath. That you will wait for her so you can see too. So I guess I'm saying help her see beyond the bath if that's possible for her right now. Don't rule out depression. A walk out of doors if that is possible. A visit from a dog. It really all depends on where she is in her mind as to what will work. You know what doesn't work so move on from that. Let us know how it goes.
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