My husband is in a rest home now but they're not cleaning him good and often enough. What do I do?

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Now he is burning.

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Discuss your concerns with the Director of Nursing.
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And be willing to understand that he can never be cared for the way you did at home with one one one care. ((hugs))
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Am I the only one who finds the answers to Fayedum's question disturbing? We worked hard for a living, paving the way for this generation to have all the luxuries we never had, and we are supposed to be content to live our final years with so little, if any, respect! Does no one realize that every one of us is just one breath away from potentially being infirm ourselves. I find it appaling that so few rally care. Fayedum37, I say speak to the director of nursing and if things do not change immediately, keep bugging her and report the home to the state department of health. When they ignore you, try to get the media involved. Imagine the uproar if any other segment of society was similarly neglected! This is barbaric!
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It's important to understand what the issue is before getting upset and claiming neglect. Many eldercare residents refuse showers and even assistance with daily hygiene (common issue in care homes). Staff must try to find the best way to assist residents with daily hygiene, and sometimes family involvement is key. And despite the family expectations (reasonable or not), all residents have the right to refuse at the end of the day, refer to heavily regulated Resident Rights. If the facility is communicating and working with the family about the issue then proper steps are being taken to provide the best care.
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My daughter has worked in nursing fascilities for 18 yrs. This is how she explained it to me. Once placed in an AL or NH it is now that persons home. They r a resident not a patient. They cannot be forced to do anything, even take meds. This is the law. Its considered elder abuse if they r forced. Residents r not gien showers everyday. Usually CNAs do this joband there r other residents she must do before her shift is done. My Mom receives hr showers at Daycare. The first time she refused I wasn't told. Because they shower her, I don't. I was told they can't make her. I told them I understood that but with her Dementia she can't make that decision. I said I picked their Daycare because they do give showers. I hold the medical POA so I feel I can override. :). Now when she refuses they tell her I say she has to get one. So she does. I tell her she is helping me. Personally, as a roommate I wouldn't appreciate someone smelling the room up.
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Will the facility allow you to go by daily to change his clothing and give him a dry bath? The caregiver who comes to our home during the week to care for my mother in law also works at a facility on the weekends. She tell me that the problem with getting all the residents cleaned each and everyday is a matter of time! The residents resist the cleaning procedure when they are scheduled and so the facility worker can't force the resident to bathe. They have to just move on to the next resident and try to get that one to bathe. There is rarely time to go back in and try again to have the patient co-operate. You may want to try a cream on the patient's bottom that contains lanolin but no fragrances. The alcohol in fragrances can sting and burn when the tissue has a diaper rash. This stuff is good for the bath.
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My Mom (97 and with dementia) fights taking a shower even when it's my sister and I and in our home. And they exhaust her. She loved baths, but can no longer get in and out of a bathtub, even with our help. Our tub would require installation of a ceiling-mount lift in our master bedroom. And her doctor has told her (years ago) not to do baths due to increased likelihood of UTI's. I tell you this just to confirm that the whole bathing thing is a common struggle and sometimes we or other caregivers have to decide which battles are worth fighting. (Toothbrushing the same--I declare victory if she brushes once a day--it's amazing she even still has her own strong teeth!) That said, you will want to keep an eye on the skin when you visit and immediately treat rashes -- which is often not a welcome intervention either. Mom used to be fastidious and well-groomed. That is no longer important to her, so I treat it like an option I'm offering, not a demand I'm imposing. And, as has been mentioned, we are probably about to go to dry bathing. I don't think heaven will turn her away because she has bad breath or body odor. So it's often really more a matter of my own pride and preferences than of any real damage to her. You are right to keep an eye on it and supplement where his paid caregivers are not being successful. Other than that, cut yourself and him (and them) a break when you can. Caregiving is amazingly challenging, hard, and emotional labor, whether done by family or professionals. I find my anger is usually based in that inevitable sneaky guilt that I'm always afraid I'm not doing enough. After 7 years, I'm gradually finding useful boundaries again, but we are all doing the best we can by the lights we have and it's very hard to watch our elders decline and admit that we can't control it or fix it. "God bless us every one."
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We also found with Mom, she tends to refuse when the regular aide is not there. Such a shame we have to lose our dignity when we become elderly. I want to be gone before that happens.
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I didn't mean to imply that sub standard care is good enough. Eyerish's suggestion to discuss it with the DON is the first step and will hopefully bring a resolution. The sad reality of institutional care is that no matter how caring the staff you are just one among many. Be vigilant, don't accept a brush off, but be prepared to accept care that is merely adequate rather than excellent. Too often it is the meek, compliant ones that are neglected simply because the staff are run off their feet by the squeaky wheels.
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Sorry, I meant your husband, not your father. One more suggestion. If your husband is in Depends, please observe one that is wet from his urine. When I transferred my father, his urine was dark brown from a severe infection, and he was covered with bed sores. The country nursing home I'd brought him to took pictures, called the doctor, got help immediately, and every single night they would lotion Dad from top to toe. His dry skin and sores on his arm from scratching all went away. There can be such a difference between homes.
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