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My father is definitely incapable of taking care of him self! He had brain surgery 17 years ago and now has completely fallen apart!! He can’t drive or cook or make sensible financial decisions. He has had one of his kids caring for him for the past 7 years! We are all at our wits end and he refuses to sign power of attorney! He is not in his right mind!! He talks all day about how he is a millionaire and then gradually turned to saying he is related to people on tv!! Has seizures but refuses to take the pills! Or go to the doctor to get any!! He is very mean and I’ve just about exhausted my options! What do I do?!

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Call your local Area Agency on Aging; ask for a "needs assessment".

They will tell you what level of care he needs (Assisted Living, Nursing Home). They may be able to assist you in getting him to agree to see a doctor.

Ultimately, if he is still "technically" competent to make his own bad decisions, you may have to step back and allow him to become ill or fall. Then 911 gets called, he goes to the hospital and you talk to the discharge folks about the fact that there is no one to care for him at home.

It's not easy. It's not pretty. I'm sorry that you're going through this.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Have you called the Area Agency on Aging? Is your father a danger to himself or others? Does he drive?
It sounds like you will need to file for guardianship. It’s expensive and not easy. There is ongoing paperwork.
See if you can get a consult with a NAELA certified elder attorney to discuss the ins and outs.
If that’s not an option you may need to put him on the radar of Adult Protective Services and ask that he be made a ward of the state. That will be pretty hard for a millionaire to handle.
You may want to see if a candid discussion with him and your siblings could persuade him to seek medical care on his own. A DPOA would be a lot less expensive but if he isn’t going to cooperate then a guardianship will probably be the only way to control him.
Sometimes it’s necessary to wait until an event happens that lands him in the hospital and then try to get him placed from there.
I don’t need to tell you how hard all this is.
Sometimes there is nothing you can do but create boundaries and protect yourself until his health fails to the point that you are allowed to help him.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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