I moved in with my dad 11 years ago when he got really sick, and my mother was unable to take care him. She died shortly afterwards, and I remained because even though he could still cook and get around the house, I didn't think he should be alone since he is legally blind and had been falling albeit infrequently.
Anyway at the end of 2017, he had a stroke. It made him unable to walk long distances, and he became dependent on a wheelchair and a walker. I considered a nursing home at this point because I am his only child, and I was already feeling the strain of caring for him. I work 10 to 12 hours a day, and I have an 11 year old to take care of. I am morbidly obese and diabetic. I lost 10 lbs. when he was in rehab because I was finally able to focus on myself, but gained it all back and then some when he came home. I was tempted to transition him over to the nursing home, but he acted out so badly when he was in rehab (called 911 on the nurses because he hated them, refused to wear his oxygen, etc.), I abandoned the nursing home idea. Instead I hired a caregiver to help him while I'm at work, and I tend to him when I get home.
Well, two weeks ago he went back to the hospital and hasn't been the same since. Since he's been home, his balance is even worse. Many times he's so weak, he can't sit up in his bed without assistance let alone go to the bathroom. He's having "accidents" at least twice day sometimes more because he can't make it to the bathroom. He has started waking me up in the middle of the night sometimes because of his accidents and sometimes because he's confused. For instance he may want breakfast at 1:30am and becomes angry when I tell him it isn't morning yet. I've also had to call 911 a few times because of his falls. He weighs more than 300 lbs. so there is no way I can lift him. I can't even move him enough to clean him when he has accidents. But he is lucid enough to know he does NOT want a nursing home. I had a lawyer come by to draw up a POA and a medical POA. My dad refused to sign the medical POA because he thinks I can use it to place him in a nursing home. He doesn't know after the lawyer left I found the old medical POA he had drawn up years ago before he got sick where he named me as his agent. However, that is not enough to place him in a facility where he can get help.
My dream is to place him in the assisted living facility a block from his house. I also own a home in the same neighborhood. I could hire a sitter to be with him and easily visit him when I get off work. We don't bring in enough funds to have a 24 hour caregiver but in the ALF I wouldn't need one because they have staff 24 hours to help him when a sitter isn't there. But he won't consider any of this. He expects me and my daughter to continue taking care of him no matter how much of a strain it is on us. He is so demanding and uncooperative whenever I or my daughter are around, but he behaves with his caregivers. He refuses to go to the hospital or keep many of his doctors' appointments anymore.
I think my only option is to move out of his home and let him figure out he can't live alone. But I don't want to be charged with neglect, abuse, abandonment, whatever.... What are my options here? Please help!