I have my mom living with us now after many years (over 14) of running to her house for every little thing, cleaning it, maintenance, etc. Now that she is here, I have established boundaries, rules, reminders, etc.
I had to do it as she is emotionally exhausting to me- she is very needy - so after all of these years I finally had to get firm. She also never listened to me so that's why she is in the shape she's in (another future post). She says I am bossy but it's for her own good. I guarantee she would have been bedridden by now if I didn't make her do for herself.
She is now wheelchair bound but still able to do for herself within the chair as well as get herself in and out of it so I am blessed on that part. If the time comes that she cannot, she will have paid help or be placed.
I thankfully work from home but my day starts very early so she is aware that she has to do for herself at night and during the day. I help her out throughout the morning, day and at night as needed as well as at lunchtime and after I log off (it's mostly just getting her something to eat). I have made it clear that my son and husband have needs too and they are not going to be neglected. So, here are my boundaries/rules. You may find some funny or helpful. What's yours?
1. On work nights, do not get me up for something that you can do. I will check on you early in the morning and get your breakfast ready when you get up. During the day, you are on your own and especially when I am in a meeting. I will be aware if it's an emergency.
2. If you're hungry, there's plenty in the pantry and fridge- all you have to do is look.
3. I do not need to justify what I am doing in my home. If I want to paint every room every day I will.
4. We will eat supper after I work out.
5. If you don't like what's for supper there's a microwave meal.
6. When we run to the store or other errands of an evening and you don't want to eat so late, there's a microwave meal.
7. Saturdays most weeks are for my husband and I to go out and enjoy ourselves (we also use that day to see homes as we are house hunting). We will be home when we get home. No, I cannot give an exact time.
8. Pay attention when the Physical Therapist comes. You need to do these exercises every day. I should not need to remember them for you.
9. Look at the exercise paper the PT left for you. I cannot exercise for you.
10. We are not a 5-star restaurant, Assisted Living or Nursing Home. Meals will happen when and as they happen. I promise you will not starve.
11. I am not doing laundry every day. You have plenty of clean clothes for the week.
12. I have locked up my house, turned off lights, etc. for over 20 years. I do this every night. Yes, I remembered.
13. Once we move, you will have your very own area that is wheelchair accessible and with a door that locks from our side.