I am daughter to 92 yr old mother who has lived with my husband and I for 19 years. Two male siblings, one being executor of her estate. She was asked by my siblings to split what she thought in future would be our inheritance. Not thinking like myself, what if she needs that money. She did it, although after much fighting I requested it be a lessor amount thus leaving her with more in bank. Neither son will help with anything. No doctors appts, no grocery shopping, no bank trips nothing. One picks her up from church, my husband takes her, and sibling brings her in and leaves. So 10 minute visit a week, no phone calls. Executor is other brother who does not call but to arrange twice a month 1 hour lunch, nothing else. My husband is in very bad health and we want to enjoy our summer home and we cannot for just a few days a month (hour away). No one will even check on her, call her, nor come by. They both refuse. My question is...she is 92 and had a broken hip which now requires a walker be used, otherwise in pretty good health. She is starting to leave water running and stove on. We do not feel safe leaving her alone but for short periods. Siblings said for us to just go to summer place and don't worry about it. But we don't want to. I have no access to her money to hire someone. What can I do? And if we go to store and leave her, for instance, and something happens are we in trouble. We are 71 and 64. Thanks

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Sunshine893, you asked what are you responsible for when it comes to helping your Mom. Well, for one thing, a senior citizen should NOT be caring for a much older senior citizen. I realize many do not have a choice, so they do the caregiving and sadly find themselves damaging their own health.

Who is the financial Power of Attorney for your Mom? Who is the health Power of Attorney? An executor doesn't come into play until your Mom had passed.

My Mom refused to hire caregivers to help her, that money is my inheritance my parents would say. I must have told my parents a dozen times "what good is the inheritance if you both outlive me?" I was a senior trying to help parents who were in their 90's, and yes it was ruining my health.

Oh, regarding your brothers not helping out, that is pretty much a generation thing. Sons are considered the breadwinners, not the caregivers in some families/cultures.
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I second getting some respite care so you can have a vacation!

Re $, is she still able to write checks, etc? Will she agree to pay for this expense?

If you have to involve your brothers for funding, that sounds like it might be challenging but hopefully you could calmly explain to them that 1) you need a break and 2) mom can not be safely left alone.
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If she has money, put her in Respite care. Call around to NHs in the area and ALs. Some provide respite care if a room is available. The next thing would be to higher 24/7 aides.
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