It is annoying, and yes, words DO matter, but how much? I am more concerned with meds being given on time, care taken when feeding the person, cleanliness, etc. I am not bothered with how I am addressed. There are sharks in the ocean; why worry about a flounder?
I think maybe the idea here is that the “casual familiarity” of a staff just might lead to too much casualness in other areas as well. Just my humble opinion.
A person with dementia/Alzheimer's is not demented. They have cognitive impairments or cog disabilities. A bib should be clothing protector Diapers are briefs, or underwear or garment. Babysitter should be helper. Companion is very good too of course Patients are clients or residents.
When I lived in the South as a middle-aged adult, young people called me Miz Julie. This felt both respectful and a term of endearment. I think young health care workers and other service providers should use the formal Mrs. Parker unless and until they are invited to use first names. This establishes an environment of mutual respect.
It sets my teeth on edge when the gum-cracking 20-year-old receptionist calls me Hon or Dear. Words matter.
Once in a local ER here in Akron, Ohio, a male nurse persisted in snapping and crackling his gum in my husband’s and my face. He called my (much older than him) hubby “dude” and called me “hon”.
This was a great question, thanks for posting it! And, thanks for all the great replies.
A side note...I don’t know how I’d manage without this website and all of you. Being able to come here to post and read y’all’s comments has helped me “deal with” being a care provider. Again, thanks...lots!
Agree. It was this site that gave me, a 70 yr old only child who lived 400 miles away, the reasoning and courage to move my mom to a memory care community in my city despite her denial, anger and confusion.
A nurse in my dad's NH used the term diaper in from of him and me one day. I was shocked as these are disposable pull up underwear. I made it very clear to the head nurse they shouldn’t be using that term and she agreed and said they knew better and would talk to staff. It really upset me!
Yes, they are taught in class to NEVER call them “diapers”. They all get that training, from the Registered Nurses to the STNA and CNA. Even the maintenance personnel and administrative staff don’t call then diapers.
The old lady, grandma, the old man, grandpa, (when not related to you or used as a term of endearment). I feel that caregivers talking "about" them (not in their presence) in a negative manner exercises a form of disrespect that will spill over when in the presence of the client. That disrespect explains why the caregiver may be phoney and sickenly sweet in their presence, imo.
In agreement to use their names, last names preferred, Mrs. B. Mr. C, etc.
Even in the throes of dementia, my mother resented being called “honey”, “sweetie” or even “dear” by the staff. Everyone knew her name. I would have preferred they call her “Mrs. B—-“ instead of by her first name but that didn’t seem to bother her.
“Diapers”—I agree with that. It’s taught in classes to call them underwear. We were told by a registered nurse to not call them diapers to the person’s face. We had a post here once where the poster said they actually called them “Pampers” to their mom’s face! I would have smacked my daughter if she did that.
“Babysitting” or “Babysitter” Agree there, too. Even to say “So and so is coming over to watch you.” Watch me what?
You know there are a lot of younger women who resent the "dear", "honey", "sugar", but I, at the throes of soon turning an OLD 65 :), absolutely love that terminology. It's part of the southern hospitality culture, and I love it, just as much as sweet tea, cornbread and biscuits, and moon pies! But of course, there is an endearing way to say it, and the you-get-my-drift "Sugar" way of saying it!
What I personally do not care for is the dialect of old, senior, elderly ..... apparently turning 65 qualifies for all of that. I think there need to be differentiations but then, I myself can't think of when "old" begins. When I was 23, I remember thinking a fellow nurse of 28 was old... seriously! And especially the "30's". And as I do get older, "old" seems to be further and further down the road! My mom is 93, but she is a "young" 93.
I agree with everyone who said that it is more in the tone and manner of speaking rather than the actual words.
I know there is a lot of squeamishness around toileting and genitalia but I don't think we need to revert to baby talk - going potty instead of to the bathroom, referring to a man's "pee pee", etc. There are perfectly acceptable words that adults should use, and just like you and I the topic shouldn't need to be discussed in public or when there is company.
Although not quite related, this reminds me of something I read a few years ago that I think will merit a laugh or two: A young mother involved with toilet-training her small children answered a telephone call from her husband's boss one morning, but her husband couldn't come to the phone at the moment. The wife inadvertently told the boss that her husband was "on the potty" right now!
In a seafood place it's probably okay to refer to this as a lobster bib, as people of all ages would wear it. It's rather an extra display of hospitality as opposed to being demeaning.
this isn't a word. but I see a lot of ladies wearing bibs during meals. and I think its great that they don't care how it looks. they are protecting their clothes.
my mom on the other hand wouldn't be caught dead with a bib.(I haven't asked her but I know my mom) but she constantly spills on her shirt and pants at the table (AL)
Sometimes it isn't the word so much as the way you say it, I recently posted a rant on my dislike of elderspeak (the equivalent of baby talk). You know - that high pitched, extra cheerful, dumbed down way of talking.
Dinosaur is definitely one too avoid, don't joke their ancient, even if they have dementia never say their senile in front of them ,if you can smell or see they had an accident help them wash up don't ask if they have indeed had an accident its humiliating enough for them having one they shouldn't have to discuss it with you. If they have memory problems don't ask them if they REMEMBERED too take their meds you be responsible and give them too them its also humiliating. If you have kids don't tell them stuff you don't want the elder family member too hear ,kids will tell them or ask them you can be guaranteed of that. Don't treat them like children let them be stand back and be ready too help and support them don't boss them around alot.
I probably wouldn't use "baby" words with adults. example: diapers, but then again some of the incontinent products are just large diapers.
Disrespect comes in the tone of voice and your intent. Do you intend to inflict pain or the very least a wince? If NOT, then stick to words you know will not offend.
My mom used to call one grandfather "You old fart." You could hear the joking tone in her voice and he would laugh for 5 minutes. No one would call my other grandfather an old fart, though we would joke about everything, even aging and all that farting that goes along with it.
Would the caregiver or patient take offense at the "baby" part? Many would. Some wouldn't. So to be safe, consider another word.
Some are very concerned about references to aging when they are 35. Some just don't care what words you use when they get past 70.
But the older we get, the more we might command a little respect for what we have come through, and a thoughtful joke or two to bring a little laugh onto the bleak landscape would be appreciated by most.
I think one of the best ways to SHOW your respect to your elders is to ask them questions about their life, what it was like going to school, buying groceries, dating, etc. (not all at the same time) and then really listening to their stories. No, you are not allowed to roll your eyes when they wax poetic about trudging 10 miles through the snowdrifts to get to school.
re: babysitter--companion is good. So would friend, daughter, neighbor, human. So you say something like, "Mom had to go get her toenails done. So I jumped at the chance to have you all to myself!! Do you remember when we . . . "(You might even pull out a picture or two of the event, or the things needed to play the game you're talking about,) Take a selfie and share it with the family, especially if you're not a relative.
Just think about being kind and the right words will come.
I personally don’t like diaper. We’re having a hard enough time encouraging my dad now that the bladder accidents are near constant. Underwear seems sufficient, we all know there’s more to it
I'd better explain. We have a tv advertising campaign running for Tena. I expect you know that Tena Lady is a sub-brand of Tena. The woman doing the voiceover, though, evidently doesn't know that because she stresses the wrong words in her script, so that what should be "Tena Lady pants" comes out as "Tena ladypants." It drives me nuts every time and the campaign's been going for weeks :(
You probably also need to know that in UK dialect pants is short for underpants, as in underwear.
A bib should be clothing protector
Diapers are briefs, or underwear or garment.
Babysitter should be helper. Companion is very good too of course
Patients are clients or residents.
It sets my teeth on edge when the gum-cracking 20-year-old receptionist calls me Hon or Dear. Words matter.
😡
A side note...I don’t know how I’d manage without this website and all of you. Being able to come here to post and read y’all’s comments has helped me “deal with” being a care provider. Again, thanks...lots!
Bib- apron, covering, crumb catcher, shirt saver
ANY BABY OR CHILD TERM should NOT be used by ME or by PROFESSIONAL CARE GIVERS when caring for my ELDERLY LOVED ONE.
(forgive the rant please, All. I HATE when this happens because LANGUAGE and TERMS OF ADDRESS COUNT!)
I feel that caregivers talking "about" them (not in their presence) in a negative manner exercises a form of disrespect that will spill over when in the presence of the client. That disrespect explains why the caregiver may be phoney and sickenly sweet in their presence, imo.
In agreement to use their names, last names preferred, Mrs. B. Mr. C, etc.
“Diapers”—I agree with that. It’s taught in classes to call them underwear. We were told by a registered nurse to not call them diapers to the person’s face. We had a post here once where the poster said they actually called them “Pampers” to their mom’s face! I would have smacked my daughter if she did that.
“Babysitting” or “Babysitter” Agree there, too. Even to say “So and so is coming over to watch you.” Watch me what?
What I personally do not care for is the dialect of old, senior, elderly ..... apparently turning 65 qualifies for all of that. I think there need to be differentiations but then, I myself can't think of when "old" begins. When I was 23, I remember thinking a fellow nurse of 28 was old... seriously! And especially the "30's". And as I do get older, "old" seems to be further and further down the road! My mom is 93, but she is a "young" 93.
I agree with everyone who said that it is more in the tone and manner of speaking rather than the actual words.
The residents just call them bibs 🙄 lol
so instead of bib. its a cover up!
these ladies have home made bibs, ?? like made out of pretty towels?
my mom on the other hand wouldn't be caught dead with a bib.(I haven't asked her but I know my mom) but she constantly spills on her shirt and pants at the table (AL)
example: diapers, but then again some of the incontinent products are just large diapers.
Disrespect comes in the tone of voice and your intent. Do you intend to inflict pain or the very least a wince? If NOT, then stick to words you know will not offend.
My mom used to call one grandfather "You old fart." You could hear the joking tone in her voice and he would laugh for 5 minutes. No one would call my other grandfather an old fart, though we would joke about everything, even aging and all that farting that goes along with it.
Would the caregiver or patient take offense at the "baby" part? Many would. Some wouldn't. So to be safe, consider another word.
Some are very concerned about references to aging when they are 35. Some just don't care what words you use when they get past 70.
But the older we get, the more we might command a little respect for what we have come through, and a thoughtful joke or two to bring a little laugh onto the bleak landscape would be appreciated by most.
I think one of the best ways to SHOW your respect to your elders is to ask them questions about their life, what it was like going to school, buying groceries, dating, etc. (not all at the same time) and then really listening to their stories. No, you are not allowed to roll your eyes when they wax poetic about trudging 10 miles through the snowdrifts to get to school.
re: babysitter--companion is good. So would friend, daughter, neighbor, human.
So you say something like, "Mom had to go get her toenails done. So I jumped at the chance to have you all to myself!! Do you remember when we . . . "(You might even pull out a picture or two of the event, or the things needed to play the game you're talking about,) Take a selfie and share it with the family, especially if you're not a relative.
Just think about being kind and the right words will come.
I'd better explain. We have a tv advertising campaign running for Tena. I expect you know that Tena Lady is a sub-brand of Tena. The woman doing the voiceover, though, evidently doesn't know that because she stresses the wrong words in her script, so that what should be "Tena Lady pants" comes out as "Tena ladypants." It drives me nuts every time and the campaign's been going for weeks :(
You probably also need to know that in UK dialect pants is short for underpants, as in underwear.
Hm. Or... how about "waterproofs"?