What a fun thread - I agree with many of the replies. Apron instead of bib will be so helpful. Clothing protector is the facility term but just a mouthful to get out. Once I read someone suggest life manager for care giver and I often use that term now.
The philosopher Jean Paul Sartre once wrote, "Words are loaded pistols". Looks like our responses indicate that he was correct! The power of language.....
Blind vs. low vision Incontinent vs. frequent bathroom visits "You told me that already" vs. "that's so nice to hear; I appreciate your telling me that." Not wanting to eat vs. proper nutrition is important Hon, sweets, doll face vs. the person's given name Dumb-it-down speak vs. proper English
This is a behaviour I've noticed with just a few of the aides at mom's nursing home; talking about, over and around the residents like they are just pieces of the furniture. Granted many of them are hard of hearing or have dementia but the loud conversation I heard between 2 aides in the dining room today about the toileting of one of the residents should NEVER have happened. What happened to privacy, dignity and respect?
Yes I did....dog gone auto spell. I do my best to edit as I go along and use the check icon so I have the correct word, but just like many of the issues talked about here....the older one becomes and eyesight just ain't cutting it...we/me will forget to verify.
Have you ever found yourself replacing a word for another because you can't remember the spelling of the 1st word?
Me......ALL OF THE TIME and I have a dictionary app on my phone!!!
dkentz72--I'm quite good at spelling (being somewhat of an "English nerd"), but I tend to leave out words or use them twice. I'm glad this forum allows editing after posting (but sometimes something STILL gets past me!). I especially find posting a reply on Yahoo difficult because one is barely given enough room to see one line at a time, so it's easy for a mistake to go uncorrected.
"Passed away" and other euphemisms coined by funeral directors. Use "died".
"Honey" "dear" "sweetie" "miss". Use "Ma'am" "Madam" "Sir" or the person's name.
"Diapers" - use "undergarments".
"Diabetic" - use "person with diabetes" and people-first language for any medical condition.
"Accident" or "incontinence" - use "bladder control problem" or "bowel control problem".
This is an interesting and important discussion. The way we talk about things matters. Taking command over the language we use to advocate for our loved ones and ourselves as caregivers, is essential in the struggle to have our voices heard.
I think it all depends on the person you are talking to.
Some people are very hypersensitive about certain language and other people do not care.
Some people like to be called: honey, doll, sweetie. Others find it condescending.
I think if you use a word or a phrase, and get a negative reaction, then do not use that particular word or phraseology again,
What I really think is important, and another poster already mentioned this, is to always be aware of what you say in front of the person.
Never assume they are deaf, sleeping, disinterested, unable to understand or anything else, when you have conversations in front of them, about them.
With that said, I once told a 98 year old woman that she looked amazingly attractive for her age. She really got annoyed by that and chewed me out, even though I meant it as a complement.
She had beautiful skin and hair, and as we all know we will not all be so lucky at her age.
Still, I never used that language again. Now I simply tell the elder person they are beautiful, if that is the truth.
Please continue ! with beautiful/beautiful skin/beautiful eyes/beautiful hair but you may not want to say beautiful teeth just in case they werent born with them.
What drives me nuts is when my husband refers to my parents as "geezers." I hate that word because to me it is disrespectful. He says it is a perfectly fine word and it is in the dictionary and it doesn't say that it is derogatory. Yes, but it seems disrespectful to me. My parents are "elderly," "senior citizens," "mature," but I would never call them "geezers."
I used "geezer" one time in a public meeting, and got put on TV! Evidently, even though I consider myself a geezer, and therefore something of an authority, some people think it's an offensive term. Aha! I did a Google definition search, and it's a term applied to males, like "dude." So I guess I don't qualify after all. Alas.
I don't like the word wheelchair bound because the wheelchair is what gave my dad freedom. The only way he was able go anywhere was because of his wheelchair. He was able to go to church every week. He was an inspiration at church. So many people can up to talk him before mass. Thank God for his wheelchair.
I get what you are saying InMyShoes, I tend to use it to describe people like my mother who, except for the time she is lifted into her chair, would be totally bed bound. I don't use it to describe the people who can propel themselves by whatever means, even if they are no longer walking they are certainly not bound in place and dependent on others.
cwillie Wheelchair bound is a touchy subject for me. Long story short. Four of my siblings needed lifts to get into and out of bed. They were dependent on others for all their care.
One brother lived in a board and care facility that tied him to his chair to keep him from walking. He was removed from that facility when found out. We found a much better facility. He truly was chair bound.
I'm going to presume I come from either a very "respectful" or a as well as one that truly did not have PC. This is something that drives me bananas. Growing up now matter your age or that of your elderly, it was expected that we refer to Mr/Mrs..... IF we were allowed to call our elder by their 1st name depending as to the relationship with the family, Aunt....or Uncle... otherwise Ms ....or Me .... Even at my age, I refer to my elder as Ms or Mr..... My Mother/Mother/step-father are referred to as Momma/Pappa by the staff at the assisted group home. When I visit every month (I live out of State) I refer to all the other residents as Ms or Mr. My favorite resident is Ms Francis...she's waiting for her Mom to come pick her up. Love her so much. Out of respect to the caregivers, I also refer to them as Ms/Mr using their 1st name. They are taking care of my Mom and step-father, they too deserve respect. Now a family member such as my Mim's youngest brother....I'd call him an old geezer....he's family and we have a great Uncle/niece relationship and always have. Respect has flown out the window. We raised our daughter about respecting people and it has really helped with her occupation....Registered Nurse. She loves the geriatrics and children. Old people and dogs love her. Always think how you would feel if you were disrespected just because of your age and a need you never thought you would ever need in your entire life.
Once I read someone suggest life manager for care giver and I often use that term now.
One day I was in a restaurant and I saw a woman using a gold lamé bib. Talk about fancy. She enjoyed her meal.
Incontinent vs. frequent bathroom visits
"You told me that already" vs. "that's so nice to hear; I appreciate your telling me that."
Not wanting to eat vs. proper nutrition is important
Hon, sweets, doll face vs. the person's given name
Dumb-it-down speak vs. proper English
And how about just saying underwear. Everybody will know whats being discussed.
Actually this is probably one of the most fun discussions we've had :)
Yes I did....dog gone auto spell. I do my best to edit as I go along and use the check icon so I have the correct word, but just like many of the issues talked about here....the older one becomes and eyesight just ain't cutting it...we/me will forget to verify.
Have you ever found yourself replacing a word for another because you can't remember the spelling of the 1st word?
Me......ALL OF THE TIME and I have a dictionary app on my phone!!!
"Passed away" and other euphemisms coined by funeral directors. Use "died".
"Honey" "dear" "sweetie" "miss". Use "Ma'am" "Madam" "Sir" or the person's name.
"Diapers" - use "undergarments".
"Diabetic" - use "person with diabetes" and people-first language for any medical condition.
"Accident" or "incontinence" - use "bladder control problem" or "bowel control problem".
This is an interesting and important discussion. The way we talk about things matters. Taking command over the language we use to advocate for our loved ones and ourselves as caregivers, is essential in the struggle to have our voices heard.
But i think the person speaking says what theyre comfortable with.
i wear underwear ... it doesnt matter whats with it or what kind.
We can post what the answers could be, such as:
"It is Mrs. B to you!" "You young whippersnapper!"
How's that?
Some people are very hypersensitive about certain language and other people do not care.
Some people like to be called: honey, doll, sweetie. Others find it condescending.
I think if you use a word or a phrase, and get a negative reaction, then do not use that particular word or phraseology again,
What I really think is important, and another poster already mentioned this, is to always be aware of what you say in front of the person.
Never assume they are deaf, sleeping, disinterested, unable to understand or anything else, when you have conversations in front of them, about them.
With that said, I once told a 98 year old woman that she looked amazingly attractive for her age. She really got annoyed by that and chewed me out, even though I meant it as a complement.
She had beautiful skin and hair, and as we all know we will not all be so lucky at her age.
Still, I never used that language again. Now I simply tell the elder person they are beautiful, if that is the truth.
Aha! I did a Google definition search, and it's a term applied to males, like "dude." So I guess I don't qualify after all. Alas.
That took care of that.
Wheelchair bound is a touchy subject for me. Long story short. Four of my siblings needed lifts to get into and out of bed. They were dependent on others for all their care.
One brother lived in a board and care facility that tied him to his chair to keep him from walking. He was removed from that facility when found out. We found a much better facility. He truly was chair bound.
This is something that drives me bananas. Growing up now matter your age or that of your elderly, it was expected that we refer to Mr/Mrs.....
IF we were allowed to call our elder by their 1st name depending as to the relationship with the family, Aunt....or Uncle... otherwise Ms ....or Me ....
Even at my age, I refer to my elder as Ms or Mr.....
My Mother/Mother/step-father are referred to as Momma/Pappa by the staff at the assisted group home.
When I visit every month (I live out of State) I refer to all the other residents as Ms or Mr. My favorite resident is Ms Francis...she's waiting for her Mom to come pick her up. Love her so much.
Out of respect to the caregivers, I also refer to them as Ms/Mr using their 1st name. They are taking care of my Mom and step-father, they too deserve respect.
Now a family member such as my Mim's youngest brother....I'd call him an old geezer....he's family and we have a great Uncle/niece relationship and always have.
Respect has flown out the window. We raised our daughter about respecting people and it has really helped with her occupation....Registered Nurse. She loves the geriatrics and children. Old people and dogs love her.
Always think how you would feel if you were disrespected just because of your age and a need you never thought you would ever need in your entire life.