So, my MIL had a stroke 7 years ago and is paralyzed on her L side-totally. She is also totally incontinent of the bladder and partially incontinent of the bowels. She lives at home with my FIL taking care of her with the assistance of a home health aide. One problem that I have is that my FIL also has some early dementia issues. We went to see them today and discovered that once again, Mom is refusing to shower. My hubby tried to talk to her about and she complained that she feels as though her home health aide is going to drop her and she "is" getting a bath-with a washrag.........he gave up, my FIL said "I ain't making her-if she wants to smell, it's her problem." SOOO, I flat out told them that she is obviously incapable of making a good decision regarding that (and predicatably, she screamed that she's not crazy in the head...) and then I told my FIL that since he has POA over her and HE won't make her take a bath.......then obviously she needs to live somewhere where someone WILL make good decisions for her. She just finished chemo 3-4 months ago and her immunity is not yet back up to normal. I suggested that she call and request someone a little younger or stronger......and explain that the person she has now isn't making her feel secure that she's not going to end up on the floor........my BIGGEST problem is that my hubby DOES have POA BUT (always a BUT-huh?) HE says "so YOU say" that they both have dementia. I am a nurse and worked LTC dementia for years and KNOW what all the early signs....are. My hubby really needs to be the one to deal with the Home Health Agency and her Dr...........but he refuses because there's the denial issue. Short of calling Adult Protective Services and starting WWIII and possibly cause the end of my marriage, what should I really do????? BTW- I am now disabled and unable to do it physically myself or I would.