Uncle went quickly from feisty and sharp to unconscious, were we wrong to put him on hospice?

When discharged from hospital to inpatient hospice, your uncle was feeling good, better than he had for some time. He had more energy and he was free of some of the debilitating symptoms he'd been suffering.

That is not the same thing as his having been in a condition where rehabilitation and recovery to his previous, independent normal would have been a realistic prospect.

The only drawback to treating those symptoms is how deceptive it may have been for both him and you. He still has heart disease, his body is coming to the end of its life, but he is not having to experience the suffering that goes along with those things.

He sounds like a wonderful man, reading your profile, and you are going to miss him dreadfully. But do not be afraid that you have failed him.

I have done in home hospice/daily care and worked in a nursing home. From my experience Hospice Care must be authorized by a physician. So I assume that you alone did not make this choice and you did it at his request. Uncertain what your uncle's diagnoses were that contributed to his initial weakness and if any injuries were sustained from the fall when he went into the hospital.

In the nursing home I gave care on the third floor which was basically you're checking in here permanently until you check out. Many people had had wonderful lives but we're frustrated at basically living a warehouse lifestyle and felt their usefulness was done. They would apologize to me for my having to take care of them. So I laughed and joked and sang with them and I assured them that I loved my job and was honored to take care of them. They were tired and many of them did want to move on. Many times I heard: I don't know why God does not take me; I am doing nothing.

Some people who have conditions that will continue to worsen and have severely limited their ability to enjoy life or are in constant pain do choose hospice. Some chose not to eat at all although if they ask for a spoonful of ice cream they could get it and then they would say I'm happy. Hospice oversees the administration of pain medications and some times panick meds this is called Comfort measures. It is meant to be part of Compassionate Care. The idea is that the person can pass in Comfort as their body prepares to close down. But this process can have an effect on the brain and medications effects vary from person to person. Disorientation is common.

One of the hardest things I had to learn when caring for the elderly or doing hospice was that this was a one-way trip. My clients were not going to return to their Baseline level of function which has already been declining. The goal is to give them a quality life with as much love and laughter as possible. You say he is unconscious you go and visit and you seem to be the kind of person that fills that time with love. I know that one of the hardest things I had to learn when caring for the elderly or doing hospice was that this was a one-way trip. My clients were not going to return to their Baseline level of function which has already been declining. The goal is to give them a quality life with as much love and laughter as possible. I know that we often don't want let go. Please try not to second-guess yourself too much. It might be part of the denial process that you are losing your friend and uncle. Sometimes all you can be is the last angel that walks with them before their sun sets.

Dear friend, I know what it's like to second guess your decisions about the choices that are made at end of life. For a long time, I wondered if I hastened my father's death by agreeing to allow him tranquilizers for his anxiety in his last hours. I now realize they allowed him to let go. He was on his way.

I work in Rehab in Physical Therapy, and have worked with many who are in their last days. One thing I've noticed, and it's not just me who has seen this, is that it is not uncommon for a person approaching their death to have a sudden surge of life force that has the appearance of rebounding and recovery. But in fact, it's a bright spot before the light goes out. It reminds me of how a candle flares up just before it goes out. I even saw it in my Dad when we were all hanging onto any hope that he would pull through. This is not a scientific answer, but, as I said, something I have observed enough times to see it for what it is when a person has a good day and seems ready to get up and get better. Hospice has a lot of experience with tending to the needs of the dying and might be able to answer your other questions about food and water. I know that when the body is shutting down, the need to eat and drink are no longer there. But you can still tend to the comfort of the person, mouth swabs for a dry mouth, lip balm on dry lips, turning and positioning the person for comfort, being an advocate for him if you see he has restlessness from pain, and being there for any wakeful moments to offer love and support. It's wonderful that your uncle has had such a loving niece. It's wonderful that he has you now caring enough to help see him through one of the biggest transitions of his life. I wish you peace. You've done a good job.

My thoughts are with you as you go on this journey. You are respecting his wishes and based on what the doctor has told you, I believe you have made the right choice - as hard as it is. My sweet Mama was in hospice before she died. The day she, my father & I decided it was the next step, she told my daughter that she was relieved and at peace with the decision. The day the hospice nurse came to visit for the first time, it was almost as if my Mama's body said "Oh, we can trust this nurse and don't have to fight anymore" because before the nurse had left the room, my Mama had a seizure and when she came back to us, she started saying goodbye and just letting go. The morphine was given a few days later when my Dad could tell she was in pain and the next day she died peacefully. I tell you all this to assure you that you have done all you can and now you are giving him an amazing gift of letting him go and telling him you'll be ok. And as hard as it is to believe right now, you will be ok as time goes by. Keep telling him you love him (he can hear what you say) and you and your sister take care of yourselves. This forum is amazing in its support and understanding. This is a journey none of us ever imagined or could prepare for, but we can stand with each other and take care of each other. Hugs, hugs, hugs to you and your family.

You are all so kind and gentle in your responses. Thank you. My uncle passed this morning. He was a bright star on this planet! His first day in hospice, he was talking to me about a dream he had about theoretical physics... what it would take for humans to understand the fifth dimension and beyond. That was Uncle Johnny-terrible diet, terrible attitude in some ways, but lived to almost 92 because he was always challenging his mind and doing something creative. I am grateful for that lesson and for being able to be with him at the end of his life. Thank you all again.

My mom was 93 1/2 & had Alzheimer’s. She fell & fractured her L2. Her pcp sent her home w-Hydrocodone! I was livid & living 3000 miles away. She wanted to die & I believe she gave up on life. Her health deteriorated quickly within a couple month. She was evaluated for hospice & they transported her immediately. She stopped eating/drinking & slipped into a coma within days. The facility put her on a Morphine drip because her pain was obviously excruciating. With her husband & children by her side, she passed 5 days later. I believe she died w-dignity, she wasn’t in pain & her care was the best I could have ever asked for. My stepfather, brother & nephew all had “caretaker burnout.” I feel this hospice facility & nurses were God sent!!! It’s difficult to make these hard decisions but, I told my family to think of her first & not our feelings. What’s best for her? For her it was to let her die w-dignity & w-out pain! The nurses turned her every 2 hours, sponge-bathed her & washed her hair. I thank God for everyone of them❤️

To go on hospice, you need to have an appropriate diagnosis.  You don't just make a decision yourself. Have you talked to the doctors to find out what his medical situation actually is?  Sometimes people rally, but that is short-term.  I think you honored his wishes, but you should try to get more medical information. You can withdraw from hospice or if he was competent he could have done so. But talking to the doctors should help you understand what his situation really was and is.

Thank you so much for your responses, yes his doctor at the hospital gave him a diagnosis of 6 months or less to live and at this point, it seems he will not be with us much longer. I was just looking for reassurance about the fact that he declined so quickly once he went to hospice. It seemed like there was a very small window in which he could have improved somewhat if he had had support to get up and move about, but since he was in a facility that did not do that, he passed that window and went to sleep. It is hard not to regret that and wonder if it could have been done better and gotten him some more quality time. In any case, it is too late to do anything but hold his hand and tell him we love him. Thanks for the perspective.

Vegsister- he was failing. You did not expedite his passing. A lot of times there is a “rally”. Don’t regret putting him into hospice-

I'm curious as to how he would be accepted into inpatient hospice without a very distinct diagnosis and prognosis. Usually, the hospice workers work with the family, explaining what is going on, what they are observing, etc. I would think that hospice would welcome questions from the family, so they can help you through this process.