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Some strange questions surfacing that I have a hard time putting my finger on regarding my sister and my dad. My sister is so afraid that my dad will meet some woman who will take their house. My dad would never kick his kids out - he could ONLY do it if there was some really evil woman who talked him into it. But I feel like my sister holds my father back in some way I can't put my finger on. In the meantime, my dad is too sick - old age stuff mostly - to do much of anything and my sister is trapped in the house caring for an old man because she is too fearful (he says it is because they are too poor) to bring in any help. weird situation. My sister has cared for my parents throughout long illnesses for over five years and could legally have the house declared hers through a state program that gives caregivers their homes - sounds nutty but I know it's true - not sure if it is the right thing to do. I would rather have the home be in a trust of some sort that would legalize my dad's right to live there forever. Sister swears that she's been told by lawyers that any trust can be broken by the dad anytime. See he does get a little nutty sometimes, wanting to invest all the family money in make rich quick schemes, is NOT competent to survive on his own and knows it, can remember details of his life about half the time, the other half he can be quite smart and present in the moment. There is another dependent sibling that my sister cares for in the house, and to have the house go to an unscrupulous new wife would be immoral and actually my mother feared that when she was alive. We just never knew how to prevent it.

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It's not that easy to "break" a trust. If your father is competent to understand the nature of what he is doing--and the attorney would certainly make sure of that before doing any of this--then he could certainly sign a trust to protect it from unscrupulous people down the road convincing him to sign it over to them. The trust would need to be irrevocable, i.e., it cannot be changed or revoked once signed.
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Seek legal advice - it would depend whose name house is in (i.e. father's, joint w/ siblings, etc)
If father's - would depend if he is competent to sign and is willing to sign docs giving title to house to trust.
The trust could be done under a "special needs" trust - wording it so that dependent sister is to stay there for her life, father for his life and caregiver to get house after they are gone (can be worded so that caregiver gets house only if remains caregiver - that way if caregiver no longer wants to act in this capacity, someone else can be named.
Would move quickly - if Dad can still sign will be much easier to accomplish before he is no longer capable.
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An Irrevocable Living Trust is the way to go in this case, UNLESS, your father is under age 70. Then I would suggest a Revocable Living Trust. Keep in touch with your lawyer and banker regarding this important matter.
ThereIsNoTry: We all fear the possibility that our elderly parent, now widowed/divorced will meet someone who "takes" his assets. All the adult children should tell him this. A friend of mine in TN remarried after fifty years of marriage to his first wife. The second wife had to sign a disclaimer renouncing
the right to his assets. She was given a very generous life insurance policy, and that's all....no house, no cars, no IRA's, no CD's, and certainly no checking nor savings. Today, the woman is living well in her own home and on good terms with her former husband's children.
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Some trusts are revocable, some are not. An elder care lawyer can help you find the right one. Your sister needs one that can't be revoked, if the fear is that Dad will be talked out of letting her stay there. That assumes that he intends for her to have the house after he no longer needs it, like when he moves permanently to AL or a NH. Has he actually been asked that?

Looking for an elder care lawyer? Try your church or temple, if you have one. I'd feel more comfortable going to a lawyer that had been recommended by someone I trust, like a priest, than to someone I just picked off an eldercare list froman agency. This is especially true if your church has an elder ministry, which many do.
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It could be helpful to speak to an elder law attorney. If your father is competent then he could sign a POA, will and other documents which would clarify the situation with the house and his other assets. If he is not competent then you may have a longer legal process for someone to gain guardianship and make those decisions.
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good advice Gabriel Heiser....I have a daughter in law that is trying her best to get house..every time I see turkey buzzer hanging around I swear its her. do check on his will or trust.....maybe an elder care lawyer could help you.. don't delay....things can get ugly........take care....
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New Jersey has "filial responsibility" laws, meaning if Dad needs a Nursing Home, the person who gets the house may be asked to pay the bill. Yes the caregiver might be allowed to stay in the house, but that doesn't mean they own it or can sell it. See a lawyer ASAP.
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I am afraid that my ex husband will basically do the same thing and re-marry only to pass away and then what will happen to his 3 children by three different wives? He is at the age of wanting to marry so he will have someone to take care of him until he dies. He is basically too old to be able to attract women the way he use to, so it means that he may settle for just anyone who may take him for a ride!

In your case, I do not see how you can do anything without the help of an Elder Law Attorney to assist you. I do not see a quick fix that you can simple find some forms, fill out and file on your own. It is more complicated than that.
Re-read what Attorney Heiser said to you. The trust MUST BE "IRREVOCABLE" not REVOCABLE. You need to get this done as soon as possible. I do not know what could be done as far as the sister getting the house through some program, but I would continue to check out every angle!

God Bless You All!
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Filial Responsibility laws and inclusive clauses are being challenged in many states ( Megyn Kelly, Fox News Analyst). New Jersey may be a hold out. I don't know.
The reason that I suggested a Revocable Living Trust written up for persons UNDER age 70, is that people change their minds.\\ Once the money, assets, etc. are put in a Trust, it's no longer yours. It belongs to the Trust, and of course, the Trustee.
I don't plan to turn over my money to a Trust until I'm 79 or 80.
Gabriel? What do you think?
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How does a second wife get to spend her share of assets deliberately left for her care after my father's death and then spends that on her grandchildren, then her son sues us in court for our share of Dad's estate (which was his house to be sold after stepmom no longer was using it but not for her nursing care? It's as if she got her share and ours, too. Being dragged through Probate Court endlessly caused me to settle rather than use up the entire assets from the sale of the house to defend myself as Trustee. The legal fees, $40K for me and $60 from stepbrother's suit to remove me took $100 from the estate with only $100k left to split 50/50 among 5 sibs. I got hosed. How does a stepdaughter/Trustee protect herself from being ripped off like this by her financially savvy stepbrother? No one ever answers this question here but I keep asking it.
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