My parents say they want to die in their home. My dad is 95 and mom 89. The house is falling apart .Dangerous inner city home. Dad falls due to neuropathy. Mom in control of finances,late on bills gives to charities., Orders catalog items and hides them from husband. Lending credit card to dead beat son. She's a hoarder. Can't drive at night but still drives.Rats and mice in home. refuses help from anyone.Son won't deal with them . I have been working with them for 7 long years to prepare for this stage in life. Doctor thinks they are remarkable for their age. I see they are great socially with everyone and whats really happening at home is overlooked.A person from church has weezled his way into their lives and taken place of family members in making decisions and influences bad ones. He does all sorts of projects around the house they can't afford. I am in a different state and can't keep up with whats really happening. When I do go to visit it turns out to be about a 2-3 month stay due to living conditions .All their so called friends are missing to help and they think I am making all this stuff up.My parents argue with my brother and he backs down saying they are hard headed He only helps when it is convenient for him. I am at my wits end and feel guilty for fighting with them. but, If I don't try who will.I am fighting for their independence and health .I have done the best to keep them in their home for as long as possible but, something has to change. Dad fell really bad last month and ended up with surgery and rehab. He's home now and having a lot of problems and mom doesn't quite get it and isn't noticing his decline in health won't call the doctor. Winter is coming and in NY State, it can get pretty bad. They need to get out of there for their safety and my sanity. Am I being a over controlling daughter? I feel so guilty about making them angry with trying to help. While I am there I have a limited time to help and make changes so they can stay there bit longer but it stresses them out so much they won't even call me when my dad was in the hospital for 5 days and needed surgery because they don't want me to know how bad it is up there.