I am caregiver to both elderly parents. I live in their home and my siblings have made every excuse not to help. It is so hard and I now see the selfishness and unfairness to me, and my parents. I am burned out and my parents needs are increasing. One sister promised to come out more - and now she makes every excuse for not doing so. She wants my patrents to move into a home care facility near her so she would not be required to drive 2.5 hours every month to see them as they wont be around much longer as it is.
She does not want me to talk about any hardships or difficulties as it triggers guilt in her I suppose. So then I end up not saying anything or she jjust posits a bunch of history rewrites and lives in denial telling me to have compassion for my parents! Of all the twisted crap I have heard. I have been here 5 yrs now. The prefer to run from the responsibility and hardships of caring for them or at min. helping. They waltz in as preferred and take off as needed indicating it is my load to carry for the most part. If I say I am worn out or need help they get angry and start a fight. If I pretend nothing is wrong, they are happiest and still wont help. I am d*mned if I do or dont. If I update them on strokes or heart attacks or hosptalizations - they are angry I did not tell them ASAP but never speak to me on their own volition otherwise. I am caring for 2 elderly - how the hell am I to inform them when running back and forth caring for my parents? When I have told them they dont rush up to help. If I tell them they think I am complaining and feel guilt but turn it around that my informing them of their health is complaining. So they have painted me into a corner. If I say nothing, nothing will change - nor if I do. They only want the HAPPY parts of my parents which is seldom anymore.
They dont work. I dont understand how they can do this to my parents and me. am at the moment, sick with the flu after my mom suffered a stroke last wk. Neither close by sibling came up to help but got angry at me for feeling overwhelmed. Today one said she is not coming out more frequentl because she is doing too much for her adult children now & husband. Well ok then. Thanks.
Am I the only one who has stepped up to do this and has no help? Sure it is hard but i also feel these family members are selfish and lack compassion. They dont get a second chance to spend time with them when the die. Maybe they dont care. I dont know. I have no choice ATM. I also take the good parts. But all they take is the good. Caregivers are usually pissed on it seems. By those they care for and the fam. It seems we are expected to love every moment and never ask for help.
I dont get thank you cards or calls - only criticizing. My parents are not exactly nice to me.
I try to care for myself but I cant with both of them failing and being risky in their stubborn elderly behaviors. Is it wrong to say I am burned out.
Am I alone in this? Why dont people care or help? WTF is wrong with these people?
I can't even be sick - I have to cater to Dr appts for them. I am losing my balance. They fire everyone they hire and they are so negative all the time. Its ripping my life to shreds but I am trying so hard. I know this is not forever.