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I have been my mom's caretaker for over 4 years. She's going to be 105 in March. Even though she has dementia, she's fairly independent. She's accepted mom-sitters for the most part when I take a break. I have inherited from her, huge eye bags. I just turned 70 so I'm also dealing with aging. Anyway, I'm having a fairly simple procedure to remove them. I'm getting anesthesia and my cousin will drive me there and take me back. Another mom-sitter (who she knows) will be there with my mom. It will be a big change in her routine and I'll come back looking like I was in a prize fight! My cousin thinks I should lie and tell her I had dust or something in my eye. My mom has dementia but she's not stupid. I was thinking of telling her the truth; that I'm having a minor procedure to remove my eye bags. I just don't want her to worry. Do we generally agree with that? Or would that be a mistake? Thank you! As always, much appreciated.

Tell her after.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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She is 105 is she really Going to Notice ? You could Just tell her - Not sure why you feel Guilty . My Mom accused me of having a Boob Job several times it was called " I Gained weight " She Insisted I had work done . If I had that extra amount of cash it would go for a trip because I am not That Vain about my Looks .
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Reply to KNance72
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I just had an upper bleph and I had major dark black eyes. Like I looked like beetlejuice. lol.

I would just tell her what you had done.
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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You should get out of the habit of telling mom where you're going every time you leave her. Be vague: "Amelietta is coming to stay with you while I go to the post office." You don't have to tell mom you're going there to send a box of truffles to Aunt Dorothy and an envelope of earrings to Jena. "I'm going out for a while, see you later, mom. I hope you and Cadynce have fun." Mom has no need to know that you're meeting Toody and James for pizza.

If you continue to view your life as an extension of hers, you'll be stuck with dilemmas like this one for the duration. This time, tell her you're going to the doctor, and when you come back, say that he decided to do a procedure. You're going to your room and ice your eyes while cousin watches TV with her (or similar story). You're a grownup now!
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Reply to Fawnby
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TakeFoxAway Jan 17, 2025
Thank you for reminding me of that.
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I say just tell her the truth now as she may not remember anyway and then when she sees you after the procedure, you can remind her that you had told her about it and that everything went well.
To me this is really a non issue.
Best wishes in getting rid of your under eye bags.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Bags under the eye and even the skin above the eye can interfere with vision.
You can tell your mom that the eye doctor suggest this so that your vision will improve.
This is not just a "cosmetic procedure".
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Another vote to only tell her after.

Before the procedure tell her whatever narrative is easiest to keep her calm and content. Stay away for a while, call her daily and tell her you're taking a break. It takes a long time for the bruising and swelling to subside, so I also agree that when you do eventually see her that saying you had a "doctor recommended" procedure sounds like the best plan.
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Reply to Geaton777
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TakeFoxAway Jan 15, 2025
I failed to say I'd be coming back that same day and will look like I'd been in a fight. Lol. I just don't know what to tell her - why my cousin is taking me somewhere. Maybe I'll just say, she's taking me to the eye doctor and is going to wait for me because I need those drops.... or something like that.
Thank you.
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Get the procedure.
Tell her after it. I see no earthly reason to tell her before.
When she says how well rested you look you can tell her you had a small procedure done per doctor's recommendation to help keep your puffy skin out of your eyes.

Of course if you look like you have two black eyes and don't want a month away from her you better tell her the truth. I can't think she would worry overmuch about a simple cosmetic procedure. If she does, just take it as a normal "mother's worries".
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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TakeFoxAway Jan 15, 2025
But what do I tell her about my cousin picking me up and taking me there? Where should I tell her I'm going?

But REALLY great idea to say it was per doctor's recommendation. Thanks.
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I am for telling her after the procedure.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Tell her the truth after the procedure. Otherwise, she'll think you were beaten up!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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