I have been my mom's caretaker for over 4 years. She's going to be 105 in March. Even though she has dementia, she's fairly independent. She's accepted mom-sitters for the most part when I take a break. I have inherited from her, huge eye bags. I just turned 70 so I'm also dealing with aging. Anyway, I'm having a fairly simple procedure to remove them. I'm getting anesthesia and my cousin will drive me there and take me back. Another mom-sitter (who she knows) will be there with my mom. It will be a big change in her routine and I'll come back looking like I was in a prize fight! My cousin thinks I should lie and tell her I had dust or something in my eye. My mom has dementia but she's not stupid. I was thinking of telling her the truth; that I'm having a minor procedure to remove my eye bags. I just don't want her to worry. Do we generally agree with that? Or would that be a mistake? Thank you! As always, much appreciated.
I would just tell her what you had done.
If you continue to view your life as an extension of hers, you'll be stuck with dilemmas like this one for the duration. This time, tell her you're going to the doctor, and when you come back, say that he decided to do a procedure. You're going to your room and ice your eyes while cousin watches TV with her (or similar story). You're a grownup now!
To me this is really a non issue.
Best wishes in getting rid of your under eye bags.
You can tell your mom that the eye doctor suggest this so that your vision will improve.
This is not just a "cosmetic procedure".
Before the procedure tell her whatever narrative is easiest to keep her calm and content. Stay away for a while, call her daily and tell her you're taking a break. It takes a long time for the bruising and swelling to subside, so I also agree that when you do eventually see her that saying you had a "doctor recommended" procedure sounds like the best plan.
Thank you.
Tell her after it. I see no earthly reason to tell her before.
When she says how well rested you look you can tell her you had a small procedure done per doctor's recommendation to help keep your puffy skin out of your eyes.
Of course if you look like you have two black eyes and don't want a month away from her you better tell her the truth. I can't think she would worry overmuch about a simple cosmetic procedure. If she does, just take it as a normal "mother's worries".
But REALLY great idea to say it was per doctor's recommendation. Thanks.