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In your other post you ask what games you can play with an elder whose eyesight is very very poor? Assuming this elder is your mother also, has she had her eyes and her hearing checked recently?? With dementia at play and the loss of senses, why do you think she wants to play games or should be talking more? Assuming her eyesight is as corrected as it can be with glasses, and her hearing is ok, maybe just ask mom what she would like to do? With very very poor eyesight and dementia, there's very little she CAN do, realistically, besides listen to music. You can throw a large colorful beach ball back and forth I suppose, and ask her about her teen years to get her to talk, but she may prefer to be left alone.
You can't and you shouldn't. If she wants to talk she will. I can only guess that perhaps with her dementia she is now having trouble understanding the spoken word and may even be having trouble finding the right words to speak. And she may not be hearing well too, so I would have that checked. Dementia sucks and the best thing you can do is educate yourself about this horrific disease so you're better prepared for what is to come as you already know things will only get worse.
It may help to go through some old pictures, asking her things? Do you remember this house? Did you care for this garden? Was this your dog? It may trigger memories.
There is some slight chance this will help. The truth is that some elders do go non-verbal. Oliver Sacks would say "They have a whole entire world in their head; it just isn't YOUR world." I suspect he was right. Just be at peace that she is likely much more comfortable in this non-verbal place than you imagine.
I often repeat here that my Aunt, to whom I was very close, did become so quiet in the wonderful Nursing Home she was in. She would sit and look quietly out the window. I once asked her "What do you think about when you look out" and she said she was remembering her whole life, her old job her husband and their home. I believe she was content in this.
Enjoy the silence! Also make sure that she hears well. And it's not only the ear function that has to be good, it's also that she needs to be able to decode the words she's hearing. Her brain may not be able to do that anymore.
My stepmother had FTD, as time went by she conversed less and less, we continued our conversations around her and if asked a question she would respond in one or two words, it was just what it was, part of her decline due to her dementia.
We did not poke her to be more involved in conversations, we let her be as she was living in a world all of her own.
there could be different things going on. First was mom always a talker? If not do not expect her to change. Dementia and there are different types can effect the brain in different areas. So her speech center may be effected by the dementia. Second...Many people with dementia are somewhat aware that they have a problem and are afraid of making a "mistake" or afraid that others will know or think that there is "something wrong" and she may be afraid of embarrassing herself. "Chatting" with someone, making conversation takes a lot of thought and energy. Keeping ideas straight and organized can be exhausting. And if you pressure her it may be even more exhausting.
You can try asking open ended questions. "Mom, can you tell me about your ( first job, your honeymoon, your first car)" and see what she says. Get out some photos and talk to her about them. If you do get her talking if you recall things differently do not try to correct her. Her memories are hers, yours are yours. And you will never convince a person with dementia that they are recalling something incorrectly. It will only upset both of you to try to get her to change her mind.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Best of luck to you.
I can only guess that perhaps with her dementia she is now having trouble understanding the spoken word and may even be having trouble finding the right words to speak. And she may not be hearing well too, so I would have that checked.
Dementia sucks and the best thing you can do is educate yourself about this horrific disease so you're better prepared for what is to come as you already know things will only get worse.
There is some slight chance this will help. The truth is that some elders do go non-verbal. Oliver Sacks would say "They have a whole entire world in their head; it just isn't YOUR world." I suspect he was right. Just be at peace that she is likely much more comfortable in this non-verbal place than you imagine.
I often repeat here that my Aunt, to whom I was very close, did become so quiet in the wonderful Nursing Home she was in. She would sit and look quietly out the window. I once asked her "What do you think about when you look out" and she said she was remembering her whole life, her old job her husband and their home. I believe she was content in this.
My stepmother had FTD, as time went by she conversed less and less, we continued our conversations around her and if asked a question she would respond in one or two words, it was just what it was, part of her decline due to her dementia.
We did not poke her to be more involved in conversations, we let her be as she was living in a world all of her own.
First was mom always a talker? If not do not expect her to change.
Dementia and there are different types can effect the brain in different areas. So her speech center may be effected by the dementia.
Second...Many people with dementia are somewhat aware that they have a problem and are afraid of making a "mistake" or afraid that others will know or think that there is "something wrong" and she may be afraid of embarrassing herself.
"Chatting" with someone, making conversation takes a lot of thought and energy. Keeping ideas straight and organized can be exhausting.
And if you pressure her it may be even more exhausting.
You can try asking open ended questions.
"Mom, can you tell me about your ( first job, your honeymoon, your first car)" and see what she says.
Get out some photos and talk to her about them.
If you do get her talking if you recall things differently do not try to correct her. Her memories are hers, yours are yours. And you will never convince a person with dementia that they are recalling something incorrectly. It will only upset both of you to try to get her to change her mind.