Earlier this year I posted a question concerning my mom and her coming to live with me from Florida. So a few of you that responded, I hope that you will see this post as well, and give me a little input as to what my next steps should be. To briefly summarize....My mom was living in her home by herself in Florida with 5 cats(more at one time). She was falling alot, her house was not clean (destoyed by the cats), she had no car anymore to get out to the store, food in her fridge was mostly rotten....the stench in her house was overbearing....she ended up in the hospital a few times, and adult protective services got involved. APS wanted to put her in a nusing home, but my husband and I said no, that we would come and get her. They left her be since we were "saving her" from the deplorable conditions she was accustomed to living in. She is doing so much better now that she is living in my home....her medical needs are being met on a daily basis, food, safety, etc...which brings me to the new problem....now that she has rehabilitated from her fall that resulted in a broken hip, she believes she can go back to Florida to the same house that was left in shambles, that is disgustingly filthy, that has no washer, dryer, stove, fridge, bed, couch, kitchen table....nothing but cat pee, poo, puke soaked into the 5 layers of carpeting she has on the floor. Her answer is she can do everything on her own, she'll clean it all up little by little...she needs to be independent. She's already asked her reverse mortgage company if she can move back in under the same terms, and they said yes....I personally am irritated about that! Anyhow, she has her mind set on doing this, and nobody can tell her that she can't. So far, I have made a call to the county aging dept. and someone is coming out to talk with my mom this Thursday to try to show her all of her options and maybe try to defer her to staying here in Wisconsin. (personally, I already feel bad for the lady that will be coming here...I'm sure my mom will not be happy, and she will get an earfull). I also set up an appointment with a dr. that is the very best at testing for dimentia...but that is not until January. I have called a friend of my moms from Florida to try to help my mom into seeing this is not really a good or safe choice for her to be contemplating. My mom is no longer doing her checkbook correctly...using multiple lines for her entries, putting her ssi check into her ledger too early when it doesn't get there until the 1st of the month, subtracting incorrectly, writing down other information in the ledger like the banks phone #....she doesn't have good balance all the time which makes falling a possibility even more so especially if she were to be on her own, doesn't like to eat much, sleeps some days completely away, and then doesn't know if it's day or night.....
.......What can I do???? I don't think I can have her here anymore....she gets angry at me all the time especially when I try to help her with her mistakes or if I don't take her where she wants to go when she wants, then she says I am not her daughter and all kinds of mean things. She doesn't want to be here, because she is limited as to what she can do in my home because of her safety and for our health! ( she has pooped her depends at goodwill, and I cleaned her up in the bathroom stall, and then she preceded to put her hand in the toilet and take the toilet water of a public bathroom to wash her privates!) There is NO WAY I will allow her to help herself to the food in my fridge when who knows what her hands have been in. She has her own fridge and food downstairs along with anything else she may need....but she feels like a prisoner, which I understand that, but it is only because she is not safe to roam my home when I am not here.
.....Can she go home even if everyone tells her no....it's not safe or sanitary? Should the APS in Florida be called on her if she actually gets back there? Can APS force me or any family member to get her care and make her safe, or will they just put her in a nursing home in Florida?
.....I want her to be happy, but I can't in good conscience allow her to revert back to her deplorable conditions in Florida. She can't stay here too much longer....for she is too much of a free spirit, and for everyones sanity. She has had a hard life, much abuse....which made my childhood rotten...I still love her, but we will never get along. It is always about her, and her way...she is the victim...she can twist anything to make herself right and everyone else wrong.
....I am hoping someone out there may have a similar experience, or knowledge of the appropriate steps that need to be taken so this will turn out for the best. Any suggestions....please reply!