Here's the situation:
There are three of us:
- Grandma (91, widowed, dementia with moments of lucidity, lives by herself)
- Her daughter in law (my Mother, also widowed, caregives for her own 88 yo father)
- Myself (lives completely across the country)
Grandma refuses any help. We ask her to go to nursing home but she refuses. We ask her to get outside help to come in and she refuses since it's too expensive.
She has been wandering outside quite frequently (approx. once a week around 3am-5am). She also falls often and has no one to help her get up. My mother will check on her (~5 times a day) and if she has fallen, she'll call a building security guard to help her get her back up onto the bed. Mother has to work and can't always be around to watch Grandma and she has her own father to care for.
Recently, Grandma took a fall and hurt her hip and couldn't get out of bed. We sent her to the hospital and the x-rays show no fractures just muscle strain or hip strain or something like that. Anyway, we want to send her to nursing home but after speaking with her, the doctor said that unless she makes the decision to, we cannot take away her right to make decisions for herself.
I looked at some articles on this site and they same the same thing. Unless we have guardianship (which we don't have) and the doctor is unwilling to declare her incapacitated since she can answer questions for herself, we cannot legally move her.
My question is: what do we do? Grandma is making my mother's life miserable since she regularly gets woken up in the wee hours to go get Grandma, she requires multiple visits and needs to be fed medication, food, cooking, cleaning, etc. Do we have to live a miserable life until Grandma passes away?
And if she does pass away in her own apartment, will we be responsible?