HELP!!!!! Real estate inheritance issue. How do I get out of this? - AgingCare.com

HELP!!!!! Real estate inheritance issue. How do I get out of this?

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My home is in mine and my mothers name on the deed of trust. Her actual Trust has the estate to be equally divided amongst the three of us. Does this mean that my home will have to be divided with my two brothers. I have lived in the house for 21 years it's mine. I bought it. My mom helped me over the years when I became ill and could not work. Now my brothers are saying that the money she helped me with should be equally given to them from my house. How do I get out of this and keep my home. They have paid NOTHING into the house and the agreement for helping me was between my mother and myself.

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Bring in another elder care lawyer. You don't need to use same attorney. Bring in your
Mom while she in a good mental space, perhaps it makes sense for reputable doctor
to examine her first and verify she is of sound mind. And start documenting expenses
and history of your arrangement.

But I'd slough it off to your brothers and feign as if you're fine and just dealing with your mom's stuff for now. Do it all in secret if you can. Even if it's $$, get someone who's top in field and sympathetic to you. And go in there with all your ducks in a row, with documentation.

I had an offer to do same when I fell ill ironically from care giving. I hesitated to do so
as I sensed I would have some kind of icky battle on my hands. It's too bad as I'd have been able to give my dad better interest then he's getting now. But never underestimate lazy people's greed. This is a tragically common story. I watched my
aunt die while a couple of her lazy daughters squabbled over a negligible amount of money with the daughter who did all the caretaking. It's truly revolting that people do
this: stand by and watch one person break their backs care giving, while offering little to no help, or sometimes only criticism and then expecting to help themselves to all of the parents $$. Revolting. Even though I'm damned exhausted, sometimes it's better to
be an only :( :( . So sorry you're having to deal with this situation. Best of luck!!!
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Reply to bettina
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Thank you so so much for your responses, I have NO ONE to talk to about this and don't want to bring my kids into it. They are adults but this is my issue.
Yes mom is still living. I am her 24/7 caregiver. We are trying to find homecare help but so far it's been a bomb.
No the house is NOT listed specifically in my moms LIVING trust. I had fully intended to put the house back in my name as soon as I could financially handle it. My heart problem due to a dissection is now heading into a Transplant.
Basically I sold my old home and the funds from that sale paid for the house I currently live in. It was put into my moms name so I could protect the house from any financial issue I might have and I was getting a divorce and I did not want my ex to have any interest in it. He did not sue me or ask for money from it. We were only together about 14 months.
My mom is coherent and can sign any documents she understands when people explain things to her but asking her what she had for dinner last night she most likely would not know. (I do that all the time.
Yes their is a very low mortgage on it. I live in a very very expensive part of California (Marin County) I have lived here all my life. I was just very lucky to have purchased a piece of property back in 1980 that I could afford ( I was married 12 years before he passed away at age 35) We were able to move as our family expanded and now since his death we are back in our old neighborhood where the kids grew up and know everyone. Anyway my siblings both wish "I wish mom would just die"!!!! So disgusting. I have cared for her every single day since her stroke in Feb of this year I slept with her in the hospital 2.5 weeks in a chair next to her. After we were transferred to rehab I stayed with her every night for 3 months. My brother came for what I call their "penance" about 15 minutes and not every day. It was ok when I am around them I get so angry.
My relationship with my mom is special. The house issue was never anything my mom worried about and she had the money to help me. I NEVER took advantage of her help I gave her 400-500 as often as I could to help and I covered ALL the expenses and upkeep of the house for the entire 21 years. The two boys have done NOTHING the older one is 68 years old and has lived off my mother for his entire life his last job was back in the late 70's. He is fully dependent on my mother and has lived with her for the last 30+ years. She pays for everything food, utilities, costco bill when he runs up a 1000.00 a visit. He is so upset that I am there everyday so now he cannot manipulate my mother like he used to. He actually went as far as to file a restraining order against me stating I was making the garbage too heavy and he could not get the garbage to the curb. I was looting my mothers house for 16 hours a day, and said I sold a gun. In the 21 days before the hearing my mothers health and everything that she had gained in rehab was GONE. She was barely living and had not had a bowel movement in 11 days. He lied his way through the hearing but my mom hired an attorney stating she never was asked if she wanted to be listed in the TRO and she wanted me to be there 24/7 if she wanted to. He did not get the actual RO but he put myself and my mother through HELL for those three weeks I was not allowed to give her the injections that she needed daily, she lost more weight (Very serious) and when I got to her she was not lucid and could barely stay awake. I called 911 immediately and got her cared for in the ER her Blood Pressure had gone up to 208/100 and my brother could have cared less.
This is what I am dealing with. I have done nothing but be there for my mother and I get day to day harassment. He NEVER comes to check on mom to see if she is ok. He does not even ask how she is doing, or if she needs anything. He has not had a meal with her in over 25 years. She ate and sat alone 24 hours a day by herself. He is anti social and so so creepy. Caregivers have opted out of the case because he does not even introduce himself. He stays in his room 24/7 Sorry about the story but I just wanted you to know what I am up against every single day. All of the anger from my two brothers comes from my house. My mothers help will give them less inheritance. They both stated I spent their inheritance and they want EACH 300,000 out of my home. My house is worth about 1.2 million, but needs work. 2 Attorneys and also my son ( who was there when the attorney came to do a new power of attorney, I was not present I wanted it all on the up and up heard my mother say "The house Melodie lives in belongs to her upon my death. The first attorney admitted that she did say that, but because of my brothers shoving papers at my mother 2 days after her stroke ( she had no idea what she was signing) one financial and one about insurance. When I asked about them my brother jumped at me and basically told me to back off.
SO the attorney decided he could no longer represent my mother due to the little things going on behind my moms back. He also said I carried anger about my brothers. Yep you betcha I do. That caused a HUGE argument but I did not do anything. One other thing this entire situation about putting the house in my name was started WAAAYYY before my mom had a stroke. We had a couple of dates set up in early November and december but I was in the hospital getting ready for a transplant and mom got pneumonia. So we had to change the date which was schedule the week after her stroke. The new attorney brought in to take over moms legal issues ( an old old friend of the family) came to talk to her and she said the house was mine. He felt she wasn't coherent enough to make that decision. I had explained she was having a lot of pain those couple of days and she was on strong pain medication. I asked him to come back but my brothers started calling his office and he said that he was going to get sued by my brothers if he went ahead and put the house reverts to me when my mom dies. Im so pissed off right now because All three heard it and all three admitted they heard it yet the two attorneys would not put it in writing. BTW neither of my brothers has a POT or a WINDOW.... basically no money to sue me or them. they just want moms cash and I want my mom. Again sorry for the length I know this is not what this site is for but Im between a rock and a hard place. Mom seems ok now but as one of you stated you never know with seniors and their illnesses. It could change quickly. Thank you
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Reply to Melodie007
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Melanie, some questions first:

Is your mother still living? If so, then the issue of the house can still be addressed and corrected now, as it couldn't if your mother wasn't alive and the trust became irrevocable.

Second: I'm assuming that "actual Trust " refers to a Living Trust. Is that correct?

Third important question: was the house funded into the Trust?

This would be done by preparation, execution and recording of the Deed (conveyance) transferring title from you and your mother (specific wording on the Deed of Trust evidencing title) into the Living Trust. This would supercede any previous Deed of Trust.

Title if funded into the Trust would then read something like "Melanie's Mother as Settlor and Trustee of the Melanie's Mother Living Trust, under date of [month, date, year]…" It would also typically identify a Successor Trustee.


Since you owned the house jointly, your mother can't transfer YOUR 50% into the Trust. And, thus, she can only convey the portion of the house that SHE owns. I.e., she can only convey her 50% interest to the heirs - the 3 of you, so you would own 50% plus 1/3 of your mother's interest, and the other two each would own 1/3 as well.

Obviously, this would be a legal and personal nightmare when siblings want what they presume is "their share."


Find the Trust and the Deed of Trust, check the wording, and contact the attorney who drafted both for a clarification. And address a Codicil to the Will as a Will executed concurrently with a Living Trust "pours over" in the Trust, so the terms must be consistent.

If her Will provides for division of only her 1/2 of the house, the Trust should indicate the same proportionality. If it doesn't, you'll have a contested legal issue to deal with when she passes.

Regardless of the wording and the Will, this needs to be addressed ASAP....life is so uncertain at times that it doesn't pay to wait.

On a separate issue (and I quote b/c it's just easier and more accurate than paraphrasing. You wrote:

"My mom helped me over the years when I became ill and could not work. Now my brothers are saying that the money she helped me with should be equally given to them from my house."

I've heard that argument too! It's not a valid one; it was your mother's individual and probably well considered choice to help you. You're also helping her. In some ways, there's a reciprocal balance.

That balanced relationship doesn't have to, nor does it extend in many families to the non participating members. Your brothers AREN'T owed anything. (I'm dealing with a similar issue.) Did your brothers feel obligated to help your mother? "' 'nuff said."
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Reply to GardenArtist
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Melodie
Is there still a mortgage? Is mom competent to sign documents? How old are you and mom?
Is your mom on hospice? Wondering why after 21 years this is on the front burner now? Of course it’s alwats the right time to secure your home.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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If the house is titled as "tenants in common", then each party is considered to own a proportionate share of the property, with the right to pass their share to a beneficiary by will. If the house is titles as "joint with right of survivorship", then the joint owner automatically gains ownership of the other owner's share upon death, regardless of what the will might say. In any event, you should consult with an attorney.
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Reply to AlfredR
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The exact wording on the title as registered at the courthouse will be very important. If it’s as FreqFlyer wrote, then you own your 50% and 1/3 of moms 50% upon her death as per the terms of the Trust.

It still will be sticky for dealing with your siblings share are you will likely have to buy them out, but your majority so you control the gameboard.

Whatever $ mom gave you or paid for house stuff was her choice to do, and do as gifting or for free and without any conditions placed on the $. There would need to be some sort of memo of understanding signed and notarized between you & her to have the $ viewed differently (that is that you owed her). That doesn’t exist not does it? So too bad for siblings. Your sibs are being pricks. I imagine they have always had resentment against you. Get with an attorney and let atty deal with them.

You might want to start a Quickbooks or excell sheet on all property costs paid by you too. 2 lists, 1 current starting date of death and the other by each year (try to do like last 2 years). Everything, like even the $5 box of lightbulbs. They each owe for thier % of mom’s share of those costs due to their 1/3 of ownership. They want it, then they should pay their part. Give the tally to atty as they can use it for negotiation with siblings. Atty can totally hardball on this if you want them too.....like if paid in full within 30 days no interest but otherwise interest starts after 60 days.... yeah they’ll be upset. But really what can they do, except pound sand as your the majority owner and live in the home. If it’s not your nature to go all pit bullie then you have got to turn this over to your attorney. Good luck and stay positive, it’s the long view that matters.
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Reply to igloo572
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Melodie, if your name and your Mom's name is on the Deed of Trust, usually you would own half the house, and your Mom or her estate would own the other half. As it stands it sounds like your brothers and you would divide your Mom's half of the house.  It depends on how the Deed was worded. 

I am curious why your Mom's name is on the Deed to begin with since you had bought and paid for the house.

As dmanbro had mentioned above, you need to consult with an Attorney. Find a law firm that has both a Real Estate Attorney and an Elder Law Attorney, see the Elder Law Attorney first since a Trust was involved.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Hello, you will need to consult an attorney. Don't hesitate.
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