Ready for it to be over :(
My dad has been in a memory care home for 2.5 years now. It is within ten minutes of my home so I visit at least once per week (usually more often). I am his sole responsible party. I am 52, he is 81. He is ambulatory (barely). He's reached the point where he pees and poops all over himself, his room furniture, sometimes in the hallways, etc. Yesterday his recliner had to be disposed of because of its condition (peed/pooped in). He's pretty much non-verbal and can't really follow any type of directions. I'm just ready for it to be over and every day I hope is the day it's done and he's gone. He never wanted to live this way, he made it clear to me many times when he was of sound mind. I'm ready to move forward with my life, selfishly. I've still got to be responsible for my mom who is a mess (lives alone nearby) and my father-in-law in his 80s who lives alone nearby as well. I'm just "old peopled" out and would like to live a more positive life.
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- The parent wants to spend 24/7 with you?
- Does anyone feel like they can't keep going on this caregiving journey caring for a parent 24/7?
- Any of you caregivers with the parent living with you, get the “silent treatment “ several times a month...like you did your entire life?
- Anyone not like themselves after spending time with their elderly parent?
Is he on hospice? Seems like he can't live much longer like this?
Do they have him in diapers?? And rubber pants? Meds to try to control things a little better somehow (if there are such things??)??
No one wants this kind of indignity to happen to them. So sorry.
Seconding above suggestion to not get too involved in the care of the other elders in your life. Burnout is real. You have to have boundaries and take care of yourself first.
You have been absolutely honest with us. In the real world, unless someone has witnessed this complete destruction of a person, you would be shunning for saying what is true. I am glad you were able to express what it is for you. You may need to move yourself to another state. Sounds drastic, but you can do no good for anyone, and you are being tormented ongoing by watching the destruction around you.
There are so many things worse than death. As a nurse I lived that.
Thank you for understanding!! A lot of people tell me I'm lucky he's still here. They don't understand: he is NOT here, but long gone, just a shell left.
But, I have to ask - what the heck is your Dad's memory care unit playing at that they haven't got to grips with his incontinence? Or is he terribly resistant/combative about it, just to add to the fun?