So ... Mom I believe needed in home nursing care since er release and I believe still could benefit. She refused all including what was offered by hospital social worker.

I let her know that I am not her in home nursing care because her illness is beyond my limitations and life threatening.

She was bothering me as I was working on important matters for myself and I let her know that. She had a complete tantrum out of nowhere, the first I have ever seen, and very upset shouted I'll never bother you again. Since then there has been silence mingled with blasting her radio and suggesting store staff thought she was me when she gained access to a discount card of mine. All within 3.5 weeks since leaving er.

We live together and there is financial codependency and I am destitute and seriously considering looking for way to move out. She could realistically find someone with more money to spend on rent than myself to share the apartment and she could be better off.

I feel like I'm done.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Jean1808

Yes. It is toxic behavior. Anything to draw some sort of attention out of someone. It's mental illness.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to RBuser1

OMG my mom did that horribly to both my dad and myself growing up. I remember a lot of times tip-toeing around the house as a kid. Now that I am 52 and she is 77, I have the guts to tell her she "has the emotional maturity of a 15 year old." and yes, it made me feel good to say so!!!! LOL.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Upstream
Jean1808 Sep 8, 2019
I told my mother she is psycho once, and it seemed appropriate based on her behavior earlier this year. I'm just thinking if there's too much of this kind of thing it's time for me to move out, albeit I have lived under her roof all my life and financially I'm destitute.
I like what Rovana said, I too can see where it would be delightful.

My MIL was like that and she was passive-aggressive. I am so glad we never had to care for her. For your sanity, you have to just let her pout. Don't give in to her. Go on and do what you need to do or want to do.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29

I got the silent treatment all while I was growing up. It was my punishment for what ever I did wrong. I hated it and vowed I would never do that to anyone else.
When my live-in Mom gets upset, a nasty comment will generally be spoken and then the silent treatment. Control and manipulation won’t change.
AlvaDeer for suggested to drop the “What is Wrong” phrase from vocabulary. I can see where that would not feed into their game. I am going to drop that phrase immediately!
lealonnie1 mentioned their personalities morph into an uglier version of their former self, oh I can’t wait ;(
It is so hard not to take things personally, but it is self preserving!
The best to you!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Tmz2467

I can imagine circumstances where it would be delightful.  Easier to just ignore their behavior. However, I suspect you would need to have reached the place where you expected or hoped for nothing from them.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to rovana

When those buttons are pushed, it dredges up all the old memories that ignite pain & anger. The silent treatment is a punishment nobody deserves, as it's an immature way to deal with an issue. But, like Alva said, you cannot expect her to change at this stage of the game. In fact, things tend to get worse as their personalities morph into an even uglier version of their former selves, since the mask falls off. The best thing to do is not engage........ignore the behavior & move along with your day. If there is no audience, the punishment was ineffective. Not easy, by any means, but life preserving nevertheless.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to lealonnie1

Thank you.
Just realize, it is so ingrained.
It was all you ever lived with.
Those childhood patterns are not so easy to dismiss, without barking back assertively, which my therapist taught me.
U can change, but the parent has no interest to change their ways.
It still results in the uncomfortable silence, via their fault.
Not a matter of removing dialogue.
Well.....way too much for here.......
But, thanks.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Arimethea33

I believe that is called "passive aggressive" behavior. It is also dysfunctional and immature. Ignore it and go on with your day choosing happiness. Doing that is called "extinguishing behavior" as it throws cold water on their lame attempt to needle, punish or control you and they may eventually stop doing it when they see it gets no reaction from you. Agree with AlvaDeer as to why you would now expect that behavior to change when it's been there all along? Only give attention to their mature, respectful treatment of you. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Geaton777

If you got it your entire life, why would it change now?
Don't pick up the luggage. I long ago dropped the phrase "What is wrong" from my vocabulary. If someone has something nasty to say to me they need to vomit it up all on their own. Move on with your day. And remember, sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to AlvaDeer

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter