Is there a list of questions I should ask myself before deciding to move in with my daughter? -

Is there a list of questions I should ask myself before deciding to move in with my daughter?


I am 80. I don't want to lose my independence--driving to lunch with friends, having quiet time, watching programs I like. I don't want to be treated like a child.....having them tell me not to do things like pick up around the house, cook a meal, etc. Are there guidelines somewhere for each of us to review before making this decision?

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Have a talk with your daughter about privacy, HERS and how you can best allow her occasional breaks, perhaps visiting another child. Ask how you can best help with financial issues- having another person in the house always costs more no matter what. Extra showers, laundry, electric not to mention food. If she tells you you need a hearing aide, please wear it!If she tells you you need to bathe or change your clothes don't give her a hard time, she has your best interests at heart. Try to have all your paper work in order, will, POA , living will etc. When there is an emergency is not the time to wish you had done this. A really great thing to do is to do any preneed planning, know where you will go if your health goes south and she cannot care for you at home and of course having your final arrangements made is a huge help during a difficult time. Think about how you would act if you were moving in with a best friend and then treat your daughter that well. That you are asking these questions in advance is a great sign! :)
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That's great. Good for you asking this question. I agree with both suggestions. My Mom has lived with me for 12 yrs in an attached in law.

Make sure you have all your legal business done. See an elder care Atty, you don't want this to cost your daughter. He'll advise you about what's the best way to pay your daughter monthly rent to avoid any problems if you may need medicaid..

Good luck and I hope you have many happy years with your family.
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Wow , I am so happy to see your post!!! I don't think we have ever had someone that will be the 'receiver' of the care, come on and state their needs.... Yes, by all means, have this conversation with your daughter.... if you can safely drive, then there shouldn't be a problem.... if you have your own room or quarters, you should have your privacy and tv time..... talk with her about chores around the house.... of course you doing your own laundry and cleaning your living space should be ok with her.... but find out if and how, she might like some help around the house....

Write down any questions and concerns you have... ask her to do the same, then have that conversation.... so many problems can be avoided by doing this first.... also include things about when you become less able to care for yourself.... what you want and need your options to be.....

This is amazing that you are looking at the bigger picture.... an elder that communicates........ will you adopt me???? I am not trying to be flippant here, just letting you know your approach is very insightful and very welcome.... let us know how things go...... sending you hugs for a great and workable outcome....
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I would recommend a trial visit - maybe as long as a month - to see what it would really mean to both of you. You might decide to go ahead, and you might decide that a nice little apartment nearby would fill the bill.

Do you like your daughter? I know you love her, but how much does she drive you crazy? and vice versa. Is there a spouse or grandchildren? Nobody approves of how "this modern generation" raises kids. Will that be an issue?

Where will you sleep? Will you have your own bathroom and your own TV? Maybe even a dorm fridge and a microwave? Are you a lot neater or messier than your daughter?

I'm focusing on the negatives, but I would LOVE to have my mother be still alive and come to live with me. If you two decide it will work, good for you. I'm jealous.
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