What was the point of no return for your parent that required nursing home placement?

Follow
Share

I feel my mom crossed that line last night when she ran off my brother who is her primary caregiver (about the fourth time he has left her in two years due to manic behavior?) and was found OUTSIDE screaming her head off by a neighbor at 3:30 a.m. Only thing the ER found wrong is an elevated ammonia level which is not new. Checked for uti which she gets a lot but they said that showed clear. Do you agree her going outside at that hour crossed that line? She can only walk about 20 steps with a walker!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
15

Answers

Show:
Alibobali mom did qualify for home help a few hours a day which we hoped would give my brother at least a small break. Unfortunately mom couldnt tolerate a stranger in the house - crazy incident about possible stolen bread etc. So it was live in brother with me and another brother giving what time we could as she could never be left alone. Very hard on all of us but more important she was fading instead of thriving. Thanks for asking.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

08/26/16.... wvavet, you asked when was the point of no return for parent... for my Dad it was when he could no longer go up and down the stairs even with a help of a caregiver. And having around the clock Agency caregivers was expensive.

My Dad had the common sense to know it was time for him to move to someplace safer, so he choose a really nice Independent Living apartment. He was there for 8 months when the Admin/Staff decided he needed a higher level of care. They were right, as Dad was falling more and his memory was really slipping. So he is now in Memory Care at the same complex.

I couldn't be a caregiver for my Dad as I am 70 years old with my own age decline and health issues. Plus my house has worse stairs then what Dad had [I need to downsize here soon]. And if Dad fell, and if I tried to get him up, the EMT's would have two patients.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You either JUST NOW posted, wvavet, or I didn't see it before...

Due to lack of time stamp, I'm not sure what happened. I believe you just posted. Very good to hear you've gotten help. :-)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Wvavet ~ I'm curious about something, but if my question is only "muddying the water," feel free to ignore. ;-)

Your brother was caregiver. Is this in your mother's house? Why are you not considering a compromise where it doesn't have to be either family or a facility, but an in-home paid, trained caregiver? Putting alarms on the doors is easy enough. The caregiver would be alerted if mom tried to get outside in the middle of the night.

Just some thoughts. Best of everything to you and your family.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Ms Madge I know exactly what you mean! They were insisting she needed a locked dementia unit because of lewy body diagnosis. THANK GOD someone with sense interviewed her today and figured out she did NOT need that and got her a bed at my first choice of local places instead of one out of state! I am so relieved and bless the guidance of Jeannegibbs who suggested I contact the ombudsman who got us a reconsideration. It took almost three months and another major incident but finally she is in as of a few hours ago. Bless you all for your support.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Wvavet
Please let us know what type of dementia unit you are seeking placement - part of a skilled nursing facility?

The line for me was when my mom was having trouble accepting caregivers into the house and ran outside and fell

We could have managed much longer if she wasn't so stubborn about it -
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It does make sense, totally...happens that way all the time.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Keep us posted, wvavet. We've all been down this road in some respect or another. We're here for you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Update - being interviewed tomorrow for placement in dementia unit. She's still going in and out of "normal" mental status if that makes sense.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Medical lines - sundowning badly enough to require supervision every night. Getting delirious with minor infections. But even then, Jeanne has it right - those are things that really signal you can't live alone safely, not that you can be managed at home if enough help is available and you accept it. WVAvet, it sounds like your mom cannot be at home if the "help" can still be "run off" at will. She is in no shape to be running that show, and your one brother alone probably can't keep her safe under these circumstances.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.