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My wife was raped once and she never got over it. She is terrified if certain people go near her.

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The patient in question has end stage dementia, per Warren original post. It would be best to alert the administration of the facility she enters of her tragic prior experience.

A good facility will their best in this situation, and they will also 'in-service' the staff as to the patient's history, so that there will be no misunderstandings, hard feelings or the like. In my opinion, this is how you judge a good facility...their willingness to work with you.
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I am going to throw another wrench into this...workplaces in the US are equal opportunity employers...which means they will and must hire people of any race, age, sexual orientation, gender etc. based solely on their experience and abilities. I believe that you could *request* to have only white caregivers, or only men, or whatever...but eventually there will be a shift where this is simply impossible...and maybe there is no-one available of the preferred "type". What then? Would your loved one be willing to wait for care? wait for the bathroom? wait for a clean up? I think it would be literally impossible to insist on this requirement at all times...it's not realistic.

Maybe its better to attempt to repair the ill conceived notions about the race or gender? I don't have any answers how...both of my parents, while a bit racist privately (and almost never around me unless they want to get a talking to) were never concerned with who the caregivers were as long as they were attentive. In fact, my mom got a lot of joy learning about her nurses' backgrounds, home countries, food and music while sharing her Irish heritage with them.

Angel
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SusanA43

Some places have more female then male nurses. What happens if a male resident only wants to be taken care of by another male, but the only available male nurse would not be on duty until the afternoon, as one example?
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We actually had great success in requesting that Mom not be cared for by a male nurse or CNA. There were a couple of male CNAs on the staff and the first time one walked in to take her to the bathroom while I was there, I told him we wanted a female CNA, and he said he understood and went and got one for us. I made sure it was entered into the records that Mom was not to be toileted or bathed by any male staff, and it never happened again, to my knowledge. They did help her get in and out of bed or take her places, but they were not allowed to bathe or toilet her. There is enough indignity in this time of their lives, they should not have to endure contact with a member of the staff of the opposite sex if it makes them uncomfortable.
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Yes, the facility will and should accommodate your wife..some female residents want female only and there are men who want male CNA's only. Then there is the difference of ethnic background like FF stated and the residents are from a different era where it might bother residents. My mom didn't want male CNA's the first time in Rehab, but after a while she realized they were there to do a job. So making a request is nothing the staff hasn't heard before.
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8/22/16.... Don't be surprised if such a request cannot be meet because males are hired not only for their ability as a caregiver but because it is easier for them to move a patient without getting injured themselves.

My Mom had this big burly guy, who was a different ethic background, who use to easily lift her from her bed to her geri chair. Surprisingly my Mom liked him :) I think eventually she knew that he would never drop her thus she felt safe when being moved.
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I told them my mom was afraid of men and people of darker skin- tell them the truth and why. Speak to the correct people and the social worker.
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