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This drives me crazy!!! I think most of the time she does not have an accident -- she just doesn't want to get up from watching TV because she has on a diaper. I feel like she is being lazy. Has anyone else experienced this?

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Any chance of a tv in the bath rm?
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Thanks Deb1129, wish I had known about these a few years ago..... and thanks, I learned something new today... hugs.
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LadeeN, the onesies are good for people who will undress for no reason or handle the contents of their diaper, if incontinent. You can find adaptive clothing at sites like buckandbuck.
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She's not doing it on purpose, but moving from sitting to standing increases the pressure on her bladder, and she can't stop the flow. Been there, done that. When I was recovering from knee replacement, I could never get to the potty in time. Diapers were the best I could do.
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You don't say how old your mother is. I know that once we got Mom to wear Depends, she will NOT get up and walk to the bathroom to pee. We can barely get her there to do #2. She has dementia, and I think the signals from the brain that say she has to pee just don't register anymore. Also, it's painful for her to walk, so she'd rather not.

I get her up every two hours to go to the bathroom. That way if she does pee, she's not sitting in a wet diaper all day. I change her diaper every time we go in the bathroom, and she does use the toilet every time as well. She hates having to make the walk, but I don't want her getting a rash.

As for overnight, we found some new diapers, ABENA Abri-San brand, that we buy from Amazon. They are super absorbent and very soft and comfortable against her skin. She LOVES them! One of these diapers will last her all night long, which is a relief from her waking me up to take her to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Please don't sweat the little stuff like this. As long as she wears her diapers, just let it go.
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sahk1942,
I soooo understand. It's not only about the "mechanical side" of cleanup etc.
It's also about the way it makes you feel because she doesn't seem to care what she's putting you through. I have the same feelings.
I try to remember that I've never met anyone with character that hasn't suffered a good bit to get there... and that my frustration is working patience side in my own character............still needs work lol !
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Depends can be covered by Medicare. You should check into this. You would need a doctor's order and then you could submit it to insurance. There are also protective cloth or disposable pads that she could sit on that would protect the furniture....
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Thank you for each and every one of your answers. I always find such helpful information on this site.

She has stroke-related dementia, but not Alzheimer's dementia. The portable toilet is a great idea -- that could solve a big part of the problem.

I get stressed out for many reasons when she urinates in her "protective underwear" because her urine smells soooooo intense, to the point where her underwear has to be changed asap or it will smell up an entire room, or if we are out in public, it will create a strong smell where people would obviously notice. (I think the smell is from her meds.)

Another reason I get stressed is because it can be so much pee all at once, that it floods her Depend and makes a mess on her pants, and anywhere else she may be sitting such as a fabric sofa, leather car seat, etc, etc, etc. She has ruined so many pieces of furniture.

Lastly, I get stressed out because Depends aren't cheap! Going through 5-7 a day adds up fast! If she could get up an make an effort to go to the bathroom, that would at least help my feelings that she is trying. But she doesn't -- she will just sit all day unless I ask her to go to the bathroom. The lack of initiative is what drives me crazy -- she has all the initiative in the world when it comes to getting up to eat, or turn on the t.v., but not going to the toilet. It makes my life so much more difficult when I have to spend hours trying to deep clean furniture, clean extra soiled laundry, purchase more and more Depends, etc.
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This is a tough one...has she been to the doctor to be sure there is no bladder or urinary tract infection or bowel problem? I would start there. Also, the idea of a portable toilet is a great idea and taking her every hour is also good. During commercials is a good idea; has she been diagnosed with dementia or Alz.? You could also start using suppositories to eliminate the need to go often - that is not the best remedy. Perhaps if she gets the idea that her TV time will be interrupted it might just make her connect that, "If I want to watch my TV show, I'd better go when they take me." There is also the possibility of rashes and sores on her bottom that could cause her problems. God bless you for being there and taking care of her. Hugs.
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Well reading some if the answers of our loved ones not knowing where to urinate or have a bm, and they can't find the toilet...the bodysuits go in under clothing, helping to keep clothing on until the caregiver can guide them. I have used these on my daughter, they really helped
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Cindimay, I guess I am just being a doofus here, but exactly how to the oneses work and what do they do to help? Please help me to understand their purpose.... I am willing to try most anything.... thanks for the info...
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Have you looked at the body suits to help this at preventawear?
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If your Mom has dementia, she may no longer get the signal from her brain that she has to urinate. It's hard to stay positive. My Dad has Parkinson's ALH and has no idea when he has to urinate or a bowel movement. The portable potty chair may work too.
Good Luck!
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Even when we know in our heads that the person can't help what's happening, it doesn't always register emotionally. It's easy to think a behavior is intentional--and some behaviors actually may be somewhat intentional because of increased resistance as dementia worsens--because the person fluctuates in capability (knows to go to the freezer to find the ice cream but may eat the peeling of an orange; knows which chairs he doesn't want to sit in but pours drinks on the table or mistakes potpourri for candy). I remind myself daily: 2-year old in adult body.

Good luck!
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You don't say if she has dementia or not. Try taking her to the bathroom every hour (when the t.v. program ends), and or put a portable toilet next to her chair. She may not be getting the signals from her brain or feel she has to urinate. Why are you stressing out so much? If you are ever going to make it to the "elder" stage, don't sweat the small stuff! At least she has a protective undergarment on (NEVER USE "DIAPER" with an elder).
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I would love to be in your shoes on that one, believe it or not! I wish my husband would just sit and go in his diaper, but rather when he feels the need to go, either urination or bowel movement, he tries to find a place to do this, and since he doesn't know what a toilet is anymore, will go in any room, on walls, beds, carpets, etc., and even outside in the hedges. I have often felt in this ongoing drama, that the problem I'm experiencing at the moment, later looks like a blessing that I wish I had back again!
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Yes, the inertia which accompanies dementia does seem like laziness. But my experience is that once our elders reach the stage that they wear diapers, we don't really get them to do anything.
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try a an every 2 hr. to bathroom schedule..ask her Dr. if a medicine would help...limit fluids before bedtime.....rewards may help if her cognative thoughts are in tact.....share problem with a family member if possible to give yourself a break...
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Get her on a schedule where she goes during commercials every couple of hours. I assume your mom has dementia since you don't say one way or the other in your profile. If she has dementia, her brain isn't working right and you can't expect logic out of her. If she doesn't have dementia, then it's probably more of an issue of mobility and planning.
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Can you get a portable toilet to sit next to the bed? Maybe she's lazy, maybe she's afraid of falling or finding her way to the bathroom. Either way, sitting up in bed and only having to pivot a little to find the toilet could be just what she needs.
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