My mother has been very depressed for the past 7 years. She totally stopped driving overnight and would just set and cry constantly. When she went to the dr she was given antidepressents. When they didn't work immediately she stopped taking them. As she became so emotional she could not leave the house, my father blamed the little bit of medication she did take. She continued to get worse, then another dr visit happened, same thing.. take the meds a few days, stop taking them, worse emotionally. This has been a cycle for several years across several drs. About a year ago she started screaming that she was falling even when she was setting down. She now cannot go to the bathroom alone and has panic attacks when she has to stand up from her recliner even with a walker. She will hold on tight to the bars in the bathroom once you get her in there and scream that she can't move. She has stopped showering and it is a constant fight to get her to. To throw into the mix, my family is strictly Christian and my father has convinced himself that God healed my mother and she is "pretending". She was diagnosed with Parkinson's last year and given meds. I fully believed she was taking the pills as prescribed but found out she was not taking "the devil pills" and my father and her sister had decided to ween her off them. My father swears the dr told him she did not have Parkinsons and mistakenly wrote it as the diagnosis. I went to the dr with them for the first time last month (before I wasn't allowed to) and told her dr her symptoms and a medication was provided to help her sleep at night and help with anxiety, a low dose. Now, she and my father say that medicine isn't helping her and she has gotten worse. She won't even try to go to the bathroom on her own now and just cries all day telling me how she wishes she was better and she hates herself. When I try to step in to help with the medicine schedule ( purchsed an automatic dispenser to help) my father yells that he is the boss and the meds are killing her. All I see is my mother crying all the time and my father getting frustrated and being hateful. I feel like I'm fighting everyone. I'm at my wits end. I mention in home health and they blow a fuse but at the same time by father says he can't deal with her and is doing all he can. A nursing facility is expensive and I don't know how they would afford that. I have no idea what to do. They tried mental health too but my father says "It's all in her head, there isn't anything wrong with her" and stopped going. It has always been the man rules the home no matter what so my mom wouldn't see the therapist alone. I'm coming undone and feel guilty for not doing more but I honestly can't. I'm at a total loss.
I think your father sounds from this as though he is either mentally ill or demented and he is an abuser of your mother currently, who is helpless against him.
I would tell APS exactly what you have told us and ask for an investigation. If you are not ready to take on guardianship of mom yourself, and I don't think you should attempt it in this mess, let APS know your mom may require protective guardianship of the state and that you fear your father too much to attempt to intervene here.
I'm a Christian, and while I prefer to not take any medications if I don't have to, I most certainly will if they will help whatever ails me. And thank God I don't have any major ailments now.
Your mom and dad both need serious mental help, and hopefully APS can get them headed in the right direction.
Best of luck to you.