Is it wrong that I want to enforce boundaries and live my life for me so I don't end up like them? They are overly obese, riddled with health problems, extremely toxic and refuse to accept responsibility. I am 46. I have time to revamp my life to not head down their path. Why do I feel I am not allowed this? My brother took off to another province and is a multimillionaire. I have a chronic pain condition and am on disability.
I guess I am seeking validation or to vent. I feel helpless and that none of my family care about the burden they are placing on me.
When I lost it on my brother and told him off, he didnt want to hear any of it nor take responsibility."
What kind of responsibility do you expect him to take?
And why do you think YOU have to take responsibility for their lives?
What is their financial situation? Are you their POA? HCPOA?
But I'm here to tell you that you are worthy, so get out there and start living and enjoying your life!!!
You are not your parents keeper. They are grown adults and should start acting as such.
Your brother was smart to move away and live his own life. Now it's your turn to do the same. I wish you the very best on your new life journey!
So what if they "cast you as the villain"?
Call whatever social services organization assists vulnerable seniors and let them know that your parents will be without help as of your move out date.
Correct me where wrong, please: you and brother were born and raised in rural Canada. As adults, you children moved away. Brother went his way; you went yours; you came back to live with your parents (why?); he didn't, and has no intention of again getting involved.
I can't see, at first sight anyway, why your brother has any responsibility in this situation, so let's leave him out of it.
Are there any other family members - aunts, uncles, cousins - on the scene? Is your home properly isolated or part of a community? If your parents are contemplating moving with you, what circumstances have they in mind?
If you have the opportunity to move on and reboot your life, you should take it. No arguments there. But if you would like to fill in the gaps and say more about what's happened and what you would like to happen, I hope we'll be able to offer far more in the way of support.
My parents moved from our local city to a small town upon retirement. I bought a farm about 20min away, 12 years ago. I am selling it and returning to the city. My parents wish to piggyback on my plans and have me purchase a house that suits all of their needs and I live in a basement suite while they take main suite.
My brother agreed to participate in their care as they aged. He was going to financially support, Id be the one here. He doesn't do any of what he agreed to... but apparently me inheriting our parents hoarding filled house is my "reward".
On my mothers side, she only has an older sister, 2 provinces away, who is even more toxic than my mother is.
My dad isn't too bad. But I can't take him without her.
Their home is in a small town and not far from one of dad's brothers and one of his sisters... but neither even visit them.
The issue is my mother.
I was distraught when initially posting and left gaps in the narrative. I am not a weak individual nor unable to establish boundaries... its having them respected that is the challenge. I do not seek to be martyred nor play a victim. I am simply overwhelmed and struggle to see a solution given my circumstances.
By posting, I was hoping for some strategies and I guess permission somehow that the supposed "family values" I had drilled into me are okay to break to save my own sanity and live life.