This is a complicated issue, so I’ll start at the beginning of the issue. In late June, my father succumbed to complications from Ulcer Colitis. He was 72. Since his passing, the dynamics of the family took an extreme change. My father was the pillar of the family. He was the one that held everyone together, even when they were at their bleakest. He knew how to take charge in a crisis. After he passed away, there was no leader, and threw everything into flux. My father was a resident manager, and one of the benefits of his job was that the apartment would come with the position. My mother and myself were living with him, and benefitted from this.
So, clearly, the first major issue came to light, finding a new home for myself and my mother. This part has become its own nightmare. My mother doesn’t work (she’s 79 years old), she got injured a couple of weeks before my father’s passing (fractured her hip), has possible early onset dementia, and is dependent on me for almost every task, including finding a new home. Taking care of a person is one thing, but finding a new home for them after that makes it a lot more difficult. Even though she has plenty in savings, she doesn’t get enough money from SS and my father’s pension to rent an apartment. Keep in mind that we live in one of the most expensive cities in the US, with some of the strictest rental laws in the country, making it more difficult to find a place. She doesn’t know how to use the internet, and pretty much has asked me to organize almost everything for this search. My sister has been more of a hinderance than a help. Because, she works, she has used it as an excuse to do the bare minimum to help us in the matter. She sends me links to sites and apartments, but those apartments are too much for my mother to afford. In the meantime, I’ve had to go about a job search for myself, on top of finding a place for my mother and myself. With the possibility of eviction, financial constraints of finding an apartment, plus the job search, has made things incredibly overwhelming for me. I’ve expressed my feelings about the unbelievable pressure I’m facing, and neither of them are willing to take the weight off my shoulders. When I’ve expressed to my sister that I just wanted to walk away to save my sanity, she blabbed it to my mother. I’ve felt guilty enough for these feelings, my sister telling my mother only made it worse. So I can’t trust her to confide in, and I only tell my therapist about my issues. Even though I’ve had a couple of meltdowns, it would be more if weren’t for my therapist, a lot more. I feel defeated, lost, frustrated, worn down, exhausted, confused, and at times, guilty. I’m not getting the help that I need from my sister, my housing situation with my mother is an absolute mess, and whatever decision I make for the future, I’ll come out on the short end of it. I lose no matter what, and all blame will be placed on me if worse comes to worse. I don’t know what to do, and hopefully an understanding soul will help me come to the best possible solution. I thank you for providing the platform to express my thoughts on the matter.