No diagnosis, but deteriorating. Would a Dr. tell me if they had worries or concerns?

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This is my 2nd post regarding my father. I think my last was too erratic and emotional.
My father was admitted back to hospital on Saturday. They diagnosed lower chest infection. Have him on oxygen 2 litres (I think).
They had to put in a catheter as his bladder was full but he wasn't going
Today the doctor rang and asked if he had a history of blood in stools. As they have discovered this today and want to retest tomorrow. The doctors have not said anything that would cause a concern but when I look at him. He's just a shadow of his former self. He barely talks to me when I visit.
History; He suffered multiple strokes 12 weeks ago and was left paralysed.
He can only move slightly. His speech is low and laboured. And we can't exchange many words.
He is also now peg fed as the stokes effected his swallowing.
My last post I asked why is he deteritoing to quickly. He's only 72. And retired in 2015. Would a doctor tell me if they had worries or concerns?


To me he looks like a dying man and says he has given up. And he feels numb and empty. It's horrible to watch and I cry most days.
Apart from the effects of the stroke. He does not have any other illness cancer etc. I'm just struggling to get answers from the doctors and nurses.

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Tilly,
I'm sorry this has happened. My dad had a stroke also, then a couple weeks later, had 2 more (in different areas-brain and brain stem). He also needed a feeding tube and couldn't speak well.

He must have known what was happening. He pointed to himself then pointed to the clock. It took me a couple minutes to figure out what he meant. "It's my time" (to pass away)." I cried and told him that he'd get better. He passed away a few days later.

A stroke is from a blood clot or plaque cutting off the vessels in the brain, causing those parts of the brain to die. That causes the damage from a stroke, can't speak, can't use one side of body, etc.

Your dad is probably depressed, (who wouldn't be?) He can't speak but he can feel your love by you speaking to him, holding his hand, kissing him on the forehead or cheek. Sit with him as he rests/sleeps.

You need to be proactive. You need to request a time you can speak FACE TO FACE with his doctor. Call his office and ask his secretary to schedule a small appointment with you. Maybe you can meet him at the hospital.

Your dad has multiple physical problems.
You need to ask very hard questions and prepare yourself for some very difficult answers.
1. How serious is my father's condition?
2. What are his chances of recovery from all the illnesses?
3. What are the chances he'll have another stroke?
4. What is his prognosis (health in the future)?
5. Is he close to dying now?
6. What can I or my family do?

It's so hard to prepare for a bad situation. I hope you have good answers from the doctor.
God be with your family.
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Tilly, find the Nurse in charge of dad's unit when you CAN visit. Tell her that you need to talk to the doctor in charge of dad's case. You need updated and accurate information about his condition.

If the Nurse says she can't get the doctor or won't, ask for the number of the Hospital's Patient Advocate number.

Call that person and explain that no one is talking to you about what is going on with your dad and you are needing information in orderto make a plan for dad's care.
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Thank you guys, and sue thank you for sharing your experience with me. It's such a horrible thing to go through. The not knowing is the worst. The no light at the end of the tunnel. No one telling you it's getting better. It a sense of doom. And I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I am going to the hospital in the morning. And going to speak to the doctor if I have to wait all day
Thank you again x
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Tilly--
I am so sorry you are going through this. Do you have anyone to lean on? Siblings? Friends?
You say "no real diagnosis, but deteriorating". Welllll.....a stroke is a MAJOR health issue. His brain has had a bleed, and that's never good. At his age, another one is now much more possible.

There's no "happy answer" for why he is deteriorating so fast. Unless the drs know exactly where in his brain the bleeds happened, they won't know exactly how compromised he is. And even then, it's really a guessing game.

Just be there for him. No one on these boards can tell you how long he has, or really say anything but what I have said. All the things wrong with him now are directly related to the stroke.

You have to TALK to the dr. A lot of them are good at being DRS but bad at being HUMANS. Try to be at the hospital when his dr is making rounds. If you have authority to speak for your dad, ask the dr the questions you are asking us. Yes, the Dr will tell you, but these days, you usually have to ASK.

Good luck.
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Tilly-
traditionally, drs do "rounds" first thing in the morning, depending upon the dr, it can be as early as 5 am, as late as 5 pm....you need to ASK the nursing staff WHEN your dad's dr will be in, and then make it a priority to be there.

Barb is right--if you can't get the dr, talk to an advocate. I know trying to get through a hospital is like being in a maze.

The reason they aren't saying much, is that they don't KNOW much. All they can do is look at his vital signs and make their dx from that.

A brain cannot go w/o oxygen or blood. It dies, slowly or rapidly, depending on the pt. I KNOW it's hard to sit there and watch.

This won't make you feel any better now, but perhaps the time will come when you can see that your dad coming back from something like this, living a very compromised life and never being "himself" again is MUCH worse than dying fairly young.

I don't think there is a person on this board who has not been exactly where you are sitting right now. We know that pain. We feel it too. Just spend as much time with dad as you can, tell him you love him and he will sense that.

((Hugs)) I'm sorry you have no one to shore you up. We're here-just keep posting.
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I guess the answers you got before you were not yet willing to accept?

Bring in hospice, they will be a good guide for you now
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Tilly- my experience from going through a lengthy illness and hospitalization with my sister (who died in 2016) is that often, the doctors don't really know the prognosis when someone is seriously ill. They sort of take it day by day - if the patient isn't worse than yesterday, then that's a success from their perspective. My sister got weaker and sicker over a course of weeks and months, but not once were we told that her condition was terminal. Nobody knew for sure. We knew she was dying the day it happened, only a few hours before. She had a series of crises that she always came back from, but this time they couldn't bring her blood pressure back up, and they said that if all the drugs they could offer didn't work, then she would die. And that's what happened.

It is agonizing watching and waiting, and having no clear answer, and seeing someone you love suffering and not knowing whether all that suffering would even be worth it in the end. In my sister's case, it wasn't. She was in awful pain for months on end and her quality of life was terrible, and it was painful for all of us to watch.

I feel for you. I wish I could say it would all work out. I hope the doctors have some answers for you. I hope you can find some peace and comfort just being there for you Dad and sharing your love with him through these difficult days.
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I'm so sorry you're going through this, Tilly. He may be slowly slipping away, sadly.
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When my dad was in the hospital it was difficult to talk to the doctor. When we did he didn't really give us any information just told us what he was doing medically. And there were always different doctors doing different things. It was all very confusing. We requested palliative care : "Palliative care[1] is a multidisciplinary approach to specialized medical and nursing care for people with life-limiting illnesses. It focuses on providing relief from the symptoms, pain, physical stress, and mental stress of a terminal diagnosis. The goal is to improve quality of life for both the person and their family.[2][3] Evidence as of 2016 supports pallative care's efficacy in the improvement of a patient's quality of life." They were so helpful and were our link to the doctors and what was really going on. Ask the hospital if they have a palliative care program available.
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Hi it wasn't a bleed type stroke as far as I'm aware. He has two blocked carotid arteries. Which we are sure what caused the stroke. But I guess that's just as bad :(
I guess I'm hoping someone will say. Oh yes seen it before he will be fine. .
I don't think I can accept that something beyond my control is going on.
There's only me I'm 28yrs and ny little family. No one else.......
I can never make doctors rounds. But I'm going to try tomorrow.
I looked at his catheter today. There's was lots pink in the bag too?
He wasn't talking much.
When you say hospice. My grandad went there when he died.
No one has told me my dad is dieing!
When I ask the nurses they say he's been fine today.
I'm so confused.
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